I was sitting in the cockpit for takeoff and landing and I watched the first mate pull out the landing and T / O checklist and read it out loud. How many times have captains and first officers taken off and landed? But every time they keep consulting a checklist. Even though they probably know the procedures like the back of their hand, they still have to consult a checklist to make sure we arrive safe and in “better shape.”
As a student of positive psychology (a branch of psychology that focuses on positive behavior and happiness and optimism), I thought to myself, how wonderful would it be to have a checklist for happiness.
Happiness is a very arbitrary term and the happiness of one person may differ from another, but having said that, I think there are some basic principles that could be universally applied to happiness.
Those who are; good health, satisfying relationships, satisfying work, enough money, and the ability to indulge in one’s passions.
Many of us confuse feeling good with feeling happy. A recent study was conducted in which students were asked to do something that brought them pleasure and then to perform an act of selfless kindness. Most of the students approached the first part quite enthusiastically and recounted their enjoyable activities which included having sex, eating out, hanging out with friends, drinking and being beaten, and having more sex.
Interestingly, the second part of the task had a more lasting effect. When students were asked about their experience, they spoke with the glee of a five-year-old. One of the students who was afraid of needles went and donated blood. Another brought a homeless person home and fed him. Another left a $ 50 tip for a waiter at Denny’s and one spent the entire day at a community farm covered in horse manure.
When asked to compare the two activities, almost everyone rated the second highest in terms of lasting happiness. This experiment was later repeated in other institutions and the findings were fairly unanimous.
So what is happiness really?
The Webster and Oxford dictionaries describe the word happiness as a state of great pleasure and satisfaction. It is said that someone who is happy is favored by circumstances; has luck; lucky, etc. The thesaurus uses words like pleasure; gratification; enjoyment; fruiting, binding; savor; cheer up; enthusiasm; well-being joy; joy; enchantment; rapture; ecstasy; heaven; Honeymoon
I once sent an email to my friends asking them to define happiness. I got some lovely responses, some quite simple and some extremely deep and insightful (too many to list here), but most said they were appreciating what we had, living in the present, showing gratitude, and giving without expectations. No one mentioned money, sex, or food. Pretty interesting, huh? We all know or at least pretend to know what happiness is, but when it comes to being really happy, we forget and run after all the things that only lead to pleasure and not lasting happiness.
While having this discussion with the Captain of my flight, he gave me a brilliant idea! He suggested that I make a checklist for happiness and put it in the mailboxes of all cabin and cabin crew.
It is not my intention to preach, but it is my intention to guide you towards a fuller and “HAPPY” life. So without further ado, here is a list of things that can lead to lasting happiness.
Make happiness a worthy goal, because achieving it is completely in your power. Abraham Lincoln noted, “Most people are only as happy as they choose to be.” It is not what happens to us that determines how happy we are, it is what and how we think about what happens to us, that determines the state of our happiness.
Let go of what you cannot change: other people, the past, the future. Reinhold Niebuhr wrote once. “Grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Focus only on what YOU can change: your thoughts, beliefs, expectations, and behavior. There is no point wasting your time and energy blaming other people and circumstances beyond your control. Instead of getting angry at other people’s “selfishness” and inconsiderate behavior, remember that you have no control over what others choose to think or do. Simply refuse to become a crying child due to situations and events that are beyond your power to alter or fix.
Appreciate the moment. Look at the good things that are happening to you right now, be it a beautiful sky, a light load on the plane, a happy child, a beautiful passenger who gives you his phone no, a lovely meal with your friends. Who knows how many years or days one has to live this moment to the full. Most of us live in the past, be it pain or pleasure. We cling to the past, we plan for the future, and we forget about the present. However, the only moment of truth is this moment. Whenever you feel sad or depressed, think about what is wrong at that particular moment. Very often there will be nothing wrong in the moment, only in our thoughts.
Focus on what you have and not what you want. One of the definitions of happiness that I received said: “Happiness is wanting what you get and success is getting what you want.” I read it and ignored it, but now that I’m writing about it, it makes perfect sense. We have to accept that we will not get everything we want. So why insist on making ourselves miserable by loving rather than enjoying what we have? Don’t turn your wants into needs.
Choose to see the best in people and the world. You are the creator of your own destiny. You will always see what you choose to see. Try This: Next time you’re out shopping, think of a red car, and before you know it, you’ll see a red car somewhere on the road. Why? It’s because now you were looking for a red car. Unhappy people choose to see the worst. They are overwhelmed with a very bleak view of the world and forget the joys of appreciation. We tend to see only the “evidence” that confirms our beliefs, thereby convincing us that those beliefs are “facts.” So choose to see the best and only the best will appear.
Be grateful and keep a gratitude journal. Take stock of all the good things in your life and be grateful. Remind everyone that they have less than you have, be it health, resources, family or friends. Every night before bed, remember three good things that happened and write them down. Do this exercise every day without fail. Over time, your brain will tap into appreciation and gratitude and it will lead you to happiness.
Stop assuming you know what other people think and feel. I discovered that I am a poor mind reader. Studies comparing eyewitness accounts invariably reveal that no two people see things in exactly the same way and that each of us interprets what we perceive differently. We all have different beliefs, which are woven into a complex web or belief system. Therefore, we see the world differently, we behave differently, and we show our love differently. So don’t expect others to behave as you would in a similar situation.
Remember that other people’s actions are almost always about them, not you. I remember meeting a passenger on the plane the other day who was the nastiest and most short-tempered woman I had ever met. She was rude and unpleasant. In the end I plucked up the courage and asked her if we had done anything to upset her. At first she was being quite evasive and deigned to speak, but eventually came out with the story of her entire life about her impending divorce and custody of her children and the inability of her new lovers to provide a comfortable home. All of his anger was basically self-directed and he had no idea how to handle it.
Lower your expectations. High expectations lead to constant disappointment. I’d rather be surprised and delighted that things turned out better than I expected, rather than expecting more than I get and being disappointed. I remember dating a guy who talked about bringing in the moon and stars and was quite disappointed in his inability to satisfy even the most basic need for a phone call. On the other hand, I met someone who sent me flowers even when I was flying through the air (thanks to airphones). Obviously, I was flattered as I least expected it.
Always remember that “to be human” means to be imperfect and to make mistakes. And that’s okay. Instead of becoming critical and angry at yourself, try to be nice. Remember what Einstein said: “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”
Take chances. Be brave and take a stand. In interviews with nursing home residents, one study found that people’s biggest regrets weren’t things they did, but things they didn’t do. Susan Davis says, “Joy comes from taking risks around your deepest values.” So I dare to write this happiness checklist even at the cost of being made fun of by everyone!
Live by your values. Think about what is important to you and the type of person you want to be. Then make daily decisions based on what actions are most aligned with who you want to be and what you value.
Remember to breathe. It really breathes. When you feel stressed, take a few deep breaths. Concentrate on filling your belly with air and then expelling all the air from my body. When you feel completely empty of air, take a deep breath. This breathing exercise refreshes your mind and body.
Get enough sleep. Now that’s a real bummer for me. I can only sleep well in my bed and with my pillow. Sleeping in weird hotels and at weird times plays havoc with my system, but what the heck, I’m preaching right now so I’ll write because it’s really important. You discover your own way of sleeping. I did. I bring my pillow and my teddy bear!
Ugh, that was too long for a checklist. Just choose what you like and ignore the rest. If you want more, read my blogs at http://www.happinessisaskill.blogspot.com Great thinking precedes great achievement. If you can dream it you can do it. So get in the habit of being happy!
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