Dr. John Gottman says, ‘If there is one lesson I have learned from my years of research, it is that a lasting marriage is the result of a couple’s ability to resolve the conflicts that are inevitable in any relationship.’ The following book is not just the opinion of a couples therapist, but a compilation of the findings from the work of a relationship expert and scientist who has researched this topic for the last 40 years.
Summary
In this book, Dr. John Gottman gives his readers the chance to find out more about their relationship through self-assessments and evaluations. Beyond that, this book also provides practical exercises, quizzes, tips, techniques, and proven strategies to improve your relationship or marriage.
More in details
Based on his years of research with real life couples, Dr. John Gottman first answers the question ‘What makes a marriage work?’ By reading this book, he will learn that there are significantly different styles of marriage, which he calls ‘The Good, the Bad, and the Volatile’, and that frequent arguments do not necessarily have to lead to divorce if other factors are in balance.
Dr. John Gottman is famous for ‘The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse’, the warning signs in all relationships hurtling toward martial disaster. Dr. Gottman argues that these traps (criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and avoidance) can be seen in couples who are moving toward an increasingly less satisfying relationship.
This book is not just another set of opinions from a relationship therapist, but is the result of his work with thousands of couples over many years of empirical study. This research has allowed Dr. Gottman to predict which relationships will last with 94 percent accuracy, while normal relationship experts can only predict this in 10 percent of their cases.
About the Author
As mentioned above, Dr. John Gottman has collected significant amounts of data researching couples in what he calls ‘The Love Lab’. He has also written and co-authored 40 books and published 190 scholarly articles. He has appeared on television on shows like Good Morning America, Today, CBS Morning News, and Oprah and has had some of his work published in various publications like The New York Times, Women’s Day, Reader’s Digest, and Psychology Today, just to name a few. .
Along with his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, they founded the Gottman Relationship Institute; they schedule appointments for marathon therapy and relationship leadership workshops.
Recommendation
This is a ‘must read’ if you’re interested in improving your relationship and really, who isn’t? The best case would be if both husband and wife read the book, but it is already very beneficial for one to read and introduce the concepts to the other.
Personally, John Gottman’s work forms the basis of my work with a couple of clients in my practice and his concepts work with great success.
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