If only I knew why

My mother had a favorite pair of socks. They weren’t just pink, but fuchsias. We joked about it because she wore them all the time. We all have clothes that we feel good in, that feel more like extensions of ourselves than clothes. They are comforting and protective.

Photographers even tell you to wear your favorite clothes to photo shoots. This is because, regardless of your condition, we photograph best in clothes that make us feel happy and relaxed.

However, who knows what will eventually happen to these prized items? When my mom’s socks wore out, we tried to replace them but they were never the same. These items are lost or replaced with new favorites, accidentally donated, or worn out so much that someone has to throw them away to prevent us from using them. Humans are not just creatures of habit, we are creatures of comfort. Creature comforts are external manifestations of our desire for internal comfort.

Growing up, we went to Texas every year to visit family. We stayed with my favorite aunt and uncle. My uncle would always pull me aside and talk to me about Jesus. His main concern was that I be “saved.” Every year he asked: “What is the most important thing in your life?” I would invariably say family, my dance career, or some other answer that I knew from his expression that I was wrong.

He said that God needed to come first in my life before family or anything else. He knew he was doing it out of love, but he confused me. He couldn’t imagine putting anything before the people he loved. I get it now.

Humans are incomplete. Our hearts and souls yearn for the perfect union and wholeness that we subconsciously know exists. We look for it in people, things, success, fame, money, relationships or drugs for those who decide to synthetically create it, but that rotten feeling remains.

Life on earth is fragile. People are fragile. The harder the outside, the more fragile the inside. Earth is a beautiful but turbulent and unpredictable planet. We reflect the growing pains and continual cycles of change alongside Mother Earth. Like hurricanes, earthquakes, and other earthly processes, we are surprised when things happen that we never thought possible. Our most human quality gets in the way: our fear of being out of control and the desire to know WHY.

We feel uncomfortable with not knowing. We like to have a reason, an explanation and, in many cases, someone to blame. We get anxious and fearful when we cannot identify things (root of xenophobia). If we knew WHY we think, it would be easier to accept. We lose people we care about, families fall apart, jobs and friendships end. We spend much of our lives investing in things that are impermanent, and our world shakes to the core when things we thought were permanent turn out not to be.

We kick, we scream, and again we ask, “Why? Why did this happen?” When traumatic events occur, it is a painful reminder that the complete fulfillment we seek does not come from man or any earthly source. It comes from Mother/Father God, Creator, Supreme Being, Great Spirit, Higher Power, that which is greater than us, the whole that we separated from when we came to earth. The reason my uncle said to put God first is because the creator is the only true constant.

When we lose things, we often look for them in places where we expect them to be instead of opening our minds to the maddening possibility that they are somewhere they don’t make sense. We’re blocked by our expectations: “How can a clip bounce off and land 6 feet away?” But it did and you had to change your perspective to see it. And you can’t find what was never lost in the first place. It was there the whole time hiding, waiting for you to find another way to see it.

There’s a reason they’re called growing pains. Human beings are programmed to resist change. Even when growth is visibly positive, it’s hard for us to process. We outgrow things that no longer serve us, not realizing that we are planting the seeds for this change to take place. We let go of the threads and tattooed things to make way for the new and better. When faced with something unexplainable, little minds are quick to run “X” through their worldview database. According to Jerry Solomon’s definition, worldview is:

… “the cherished premises or assumptions you have about ultimate reality, human beings, and the relationship between the two.”

If “X” doesn’t give any results, then “X” is bad, wrong, or non-existent. Great minds know how little we know in a vast universe and enjoy stretching their minds to find out what “X” might be. We do not have the perspective to understand or see the creative unfolding of events much larger than ourselves. Resting in the God of your heart will bring you comfort and love that is eternal no matter what has manifested around you. Why is this happening? Because things change.

“The secret of change is to focus all your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” ― Socrates

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