How common is it to fall in love with your brother or sister-in-law? Statistics tell us that 17% of marriages involve having an intimate relationship with a father-in-law. It’s unclear how much that number changes if you add falling in love ” with a father-in-law. It depends on how you define “in love”. Infatuations develop among in-laws much more frequently than most might imagine. Why did this happened? The most common reasons range from surprising to shocking.
At the shocking end of the scale is sibling rivalry that can be downright cruel. These brothers and sisters are so greedy and so resentful of a brother that they just can’t allow them to be happy. They actively pursue their brother’s spouse for the sheer pleasure of destroying his happiness. Not surprisingly, these people rarely adopt this behavior because they are genuinely interested; many are narcissistic and incapable of loving anyone but themselves.
A little less shocking, but just as unsettling, we find sibling rivalry that is based on the need to feel as desirable, loved, and attractive as your brother. These people really imagine that they are attracted to in-laws because they require justification for raping their brother or sister in that way. His infatuation lasts long enough to calm his ego; and possibly destroy the relationship. Many keep this secret well kept for future use; they may “need” another ego boost in the future, or even financial help. Some people who do this actually enjoy what they perceive as “power” over in-laws and their siblings. Their reward lies in the perception that they are more desirable, better lovers, and kinder; and that means everything to this personality.
Then there are the siblings who are surprised to learn that they are attracted to or have feelings for their in-laws. They initially ignore him and feel uncomfortable in his presence. This group actually has a conscience. Many try to escape their feelings by avoiding their brother and spouse altogether, hoping that their feelings will diminish. Those who fall into this category are more likely to honor the interests of their siblings by not acting on their feelings. They still require a solution. Seeking counseling outside the family is a safe option; You can also have a good friend that you can trust and speak in your own way through this.
Beyond these most common situations, we find those who fall desperately and helplessly in love with their in-laws. There are some contributors to this disease. They have seen a brother fall in love, they have witnessed his happiness, they have heard the best stories about the attributes of their partner, they have seen the loving care with which a brother has been treated and they have found all this irresistible. And why not, they have seen and heard the best of the in-laws. Siblings tend to grow up under the same influences. They are guided by the same rules and wisdom; This includes what makes a partner desirable and lovable.
Daughters who have had a good relationship with their father are more likely to be attracted to a man like him; all his daughters! They look for the same traits and characteristics in their idea of a perfect man. The same is true of children who enjoy a loving relationship with their mother. They look for what has been attractive and enriching. Unfortunately, brothers and sisters seeking the same traits can ignore the cardinal rule of “not touching” their brother’s spouse. It is rare that this progresses to a divorce and a marriage with the other sibling. Traveling this road is fraught with danger, pain, and loss, and is rarely worth it.
There are many cases of a brother who marries his spouse after the brother or sister has passed away from illness or accident. Statistics show that in the age group under 62 there is less than 50% success in these relationships. This may be because there is too much history to leave a clean slate, a good start for any new marriage.
If you realize that your brother is in love with your spouse and you want to maintain a good relationship with him, you will be one step ahead if you speak openly and honestly; without anger or judgment. If you are still uncomfortable with your intentions after this, you can decide together how you want your relationship to proceed. Even if the decision is painful, it is much less so than all the emotions that arise from ignoring the situation.
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