Why would I choose to say no?

We can all choose to say “no” to things; a slice of cake, a cup of tea, a date or a job offer. We have the option of going or not going, accepting or not accepting. At first glance anyway.

For some who say “no”, it is their automatic default. They may be busy, stressed, overworked, overwhelmed, and desperate not to take on more, determined not to add to their burden. Or they may lack confidence and don’t want to be seen struggling or failing in someone else’s eyes.

Then there are those who always say “yes”. They may not want to get lost, they are always willing to participate, to know what is happening and to have their hands on their kidneys. They don’t want to hurt, disappoint or disappoint others and they like to see everyone pleased and happy.

The optimal level is probably somewhere in the middle, where we say ‘yes’, long enough to stretch out and challenge ourselves, try new things, make new contacts, and step out of our comfort zones. But say ‘no’ anyway, often enough to make time and space to think, breathe, and do what feels right to us.

So why do we say yes?

– Accepting invitations and offers mentally stretches us and introduces some stress in our lives. A little stress is good for us, it makes us think, solve problems, propose new ideas and answers, find the best way to move on. It is good to keep our minds alert and engaged when introducing new things, especially when there is nothing out of the ordinary or challenging in our lives.

– Saying ‘yes’ can include meeting new contacts and expanding our business or social circle. We may have to risk being the ‘new kid’, open new doors, and even get a little scared. Going to an unfamiliar place, doing something different is especially important if life has become routine or if we are looking to start over.

– If requests and invitations cause tension, fear and stress on a regular basis, but we still find ourselves saying “yes” automatically, it is good to pause and reflect on what is happening internally and emotionally. ‘I need to check my diary, I’ll get back to you’, may be an answer that gives you a little time to reflect on the pros and cons of what a yes or no will bring into your life and what the is is. the best decision you can make right now.

– However, could you be one of those people who always has to say ‘yes’? You may dread appearing incompetent, out of reach, struggling, so that you never dare to say “no.” But constantly saying ‘yes’ affects the quality of your work and your mental health as you become overworked and stressed. You are doing no one any favors by always saying “yes” and assuming too much.

Why would we choose to say no?

– In a busy and stressful life, saying “no” can be your best friend, a lifesaver in which you claim some time and peace for yourself. If you’re already stressed and overworked, you may feel vulnerable, guilty, or bad about declining, but sometimes you have to.

– It may be that other people do not realize how busy you are, do not appreciate what you are going through, what else is happening in your life. By saying “no”, it gives you the opportunity to enter some limits and limits on your availability. Saying ‘no’ appropriately makes them stop and appreciate your contribution, one they may have taken for granted until now.

– The fact that you have free time does not mean that you have to be available to other people, no matter how obliged you feel. Emergencies aside, it’s nice to have personal time to do other things, pursue other hobbies and interests, go golfing, meet friends for coffee, spend a quiet hour more or less on your own. It does not need to be explained or justified; Just smile and stand firm, you are busy, you have other plans that have already been made.

– If you find reviewing your automated response to requests surprisingly difficult, look at where your compliance mindset comes from. Is it a pattern from childhood, where your home was always concerned with pleasing others, keeping the peace, not disappointing, being available? Living in a fragile or vulnerable environment brings stress, sometimes resulting in learned behavior that must be addressed and overcome, perhaps through therapy.

Just keep in mind how much you say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and what your first reaction is when an offer or request is made. If you think something is scary but will ultimately be of value, why not learn how to try it? But if your instinct tells you that this is not for you, you really don’t want to do it, it is not right for you, you can relax as you gain confidence and decide to say no.

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