It’s such a small word but so hard to use sometimes. We seem to use this word so easily with our spouse and children, but have a hard time saying it to other people.

So the trick is to figure out how and when to say no. I am not saying that you should be selfish and never help anyone. However, most people are stressed because they say yes to everyone except themselves.

You should only say yes when you really want to do something.

You feel excited about doing it or it relates to your life goals or definition of success.

It is not necessary to have another date before to say no.

If you have planned to spend an afternoon at home (bubble bath, reading, television, whatever…) and you are asked out, this does not mean that you should automatically accept. A date with yourself is just as important as one with other people. Value your time! Realize that when you say yes to one thing, you ALWAYS say no to another.

When this happens, you usually say no to the most important parts of your life: God, family, yourself. For example, you are asked to serve on a committee at your child’s school. You could end up so busy with committee work that you deprive your child of quality time. Another example is saying yes to everyone at work by raising money for birthdays, leaving gifts, etc. and not to your own financial future.

Don’t instinctively say yes. Take time to think about it first.

Always check your diary first before committing to plans. Or just take a deep breath. Otherwise, you end up saying yes to everything and at the end of a hectic period, you are practically exhausted.

It gets easier to say yes the more you practice

At first, when you have to say no to something or someone, it feels terrible. But it’s incredibly empowering when you realize you made the right decision by saying no. It is an acquired skill and the more you use your “no” muscle, the stronger it will become. I promise.

When you say yes and feel resentful, it means you should have said no.

Learn to listen to your heart. The Bible says we shouldn’t give reluctantly or under compulsion, and yet many of us do. We say yes, and harbor deep feelings of resentment and bitterness. Nothing good comes from a resentful attitude.

Saying no is easier when you have confidence in your own abilities.

When you say no firmly and without a humiliating apology, you affirm your self-esteem and it’s a way of standing up for yourself. Men seem to do very well at this, but women seem to want to explain everything and apologize while saying no.

You don’t have to be rude or ugly about it, there are many ways to say no.

It can’t be “I can’t help you this time”, “I can only do it next month”, “That’s not my strong point” or just “No thanks”.

Make a quality decision this month to look at your schedule and see where you’re saying yes to activities or commitments that don’t support your goals. Then work on saying no to them so you can say yes to more important things.