There are some traits and behaviors that you prefer not to recognize as part of “who you are.” You deny and reject them by “pushing” them into your shadow. However, being a part of you, they show up in your relationships, and sabotage them!

The shadow

The traits and behaviors that you deny as part of yourself they do not disappear, but are “stored” in what is called “your shadow”. That is, they represent the dark side in you that you try to reject and ignore.

Why do you deny, reject and ignore your dark side?

The dark side is the side you prefer not to see, because:

* You perceive that this side includes traits and behaviors that are not socially accepted;
* Perceives these traits and behaviors as those bring shame, contempt and ridicule over you;
* You perceive that these parts are the ones that damage your relationships – give your partner a unfavorable image of who you are, making your partner not love you, appreciate you or adore you as you would like them to.

Why does shadow denial sabotage your relationships?

Until you allow yourself to acknowledge and accept all of your traits and characteristics, you will not bring “who you really are” into your relationships. When these traits find expression in your interactions with your partner, whether it be aggression, stubbornness, stinginess, jealousy, control, dependency, causing problems, conflicts, and arguments, you do not take responsibility for your behavior in any way that causes these problems and conflicts. . . Consequently, you are likely to have ongoing fights and fights, sometimes leading to separation.

The Shadow in Michael: jealousy, possessiveness and dominance

After dating for a year, Michael tries his best to make Sandy happy. He buys her gifts, brings her flowers, and calls her every afternoon to wish her goodnight. Michael wants to be with her all the time, even when he meets her friends or visits her family. He is always ready to pick her up after work and take her home, instead of letting her use public or company transportation.

Michael’s Shadow: Explained

Michael loves Sandy, cares for her, and wants to be as involved in her life as possible. The image that he developed about himself, and projects to his partner, is that of someone he loves, cares about, is interested in everything that happens in the life of his partner.

But other dominant traits sit deep in Michael’s shadow: jealousy, possessiveness, and dominance. Since he denies them as part of him, she is unaware of the degree to which they control him and his expressions of love for Sandy. Ultimately, if he wants No become aware, acknowledge and accept this as part of him and his “loving behavior”, these exact characteristics will continue to damage your relationship (as they probably did with the precious ones): Sandy likely feels that he is trying to control and suffocate her.

Your shadow is part of “who you are”

If you are a jealous, possessive and dominant person, but you do not recognize or accept that you are, you will reject and deny any feelings and expressions of yours that involve jealousy, possessiveness and dominance. When these show up in your relationships, you’ll be sure they’re your partnersIt is not yours!

Acknowledging and accepting your shadow allows you to develop a successful relationship
When you get in touch with your shadow, you recognize and accept “who you really are” with all of your traits, you become able to take responsibility for your reactions and behaviors, change whatever needs changing, and be able to cultivate an intimate relationship. healthy and authentic. relationship.