With my martial arts and military background, it’s probably not surprising that I was pleased to see William Ury open the fourth chapter of his book “Overcoming No: Negotiating in Difficult Situations” with a quote from Sun Tzu, “Build your opponent a golden bride. push back through.” Ury titled the chapter on not pushing, “Build Them a Golden Bridge,” and it’s a good concept to remember when facing obstacles to reaching agreement.
Ury points to four of the most common reasons for gridlock: the proposal was not their idea, one of their basic interests has not been met, fear of losing face and things moving too fast, and the prospect of reaching an agreement seems overwhelming. These are all reasons to be reluctant to agree, and to overcome them, a skillful negotiator must refrain from pressing, no matter how tempting it may be to pressure, cajole, insist, or apply pressure.
You may feel that the situation has a gulf between your position and the deal you want. Instead of pushing them towards agreement, which could lead them to the brink of no agreement at all, you can take Sun Tsu and Ury’s advice to lure them in the direction you want them to move by building a golden bridge. across the abyss.
Ury uses an example with filmmaker Steven Spielberg that I think is not only a great example of negotiation, but also an example of safety and self-defense. When he was tormented by a bully, thirteen-year-old Spielberg offered the older boy a role in a movie he was making. They became friends because Spielberg offered the bully an alternate path to recognition. This was a successful ceasefire negotiation and an example of building a golden bridge.
To be successful, you must start from where the other person is, not where you are. His job is to guide the opposing party towards an eventual agreement. You want to make it easier for the other party to overcome obstacles to reaching an agreement. Make sure they are actively involved in the process and come up with a solution that becomes their idea, not just yours. Be sure to cater to their interests and help them save face if that’s a problem. The easier you can make negotiations for the other side by building the golden bridge for them, but involving them in crafting the deal, the more likely you are to break the deadlock and move toward a deal that both sides feel victorious about.
For more information on how to build them a golden bridge, as well as other negotiation strategies for turning adversaries into negotiating partners, I highly recommend William Ury’s “Getting Past No.” It belongs on the bookshelf of all negotiators and mediators.
