There is no doubt that when a woman reaches her mid-forties, it can bring about a change in thought patterns and awaken the awareness that you may want to pursue new goals and take on new and exciting challenges, and here at Plan Free Mum. We encourage and support. with enthusiasm. However, while some women are free, both emotionally and financially, to embrace new goals and pursue long-held dreams, other women over forty find themselves mired in problems that can become truly overwhelming.
One of the main difficulties for older women at this age is being caught in the middle between aging parents and the demands of a teenage family with all the stress that can bring. Anyone who has teenagers knows that they have the uncanny ability to throw a curve ball that can knock you down completely. Then there is the pain of a relationship breakup. Mid-40s is an age when relationships are often reassessed as children grow older and more independent. Couples often find that they no longer have anything in common and decide to go their separate ways. Add to this the onset of menopausal symptoms, which many women over forty begin to experience and it’s a tinderbox of emotional stress. All of these problems, when taken individually, are bad enough, but for older women they tend to come all at once, barely allowing them to breathe before the next crisis strikes.
When an elderly parent gets sick, it’s completely natural to want to run to their side and offer any help you can. This may involve long trips to and from hospitals, cleaning, shopping, medication administration, and generally providing support in whatever way is needed. However, while all this is happening, the family itself is abandoned and, despite being old enough to take care of themselves, many women feel a terrible guilt that cannot be assured. You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t because if you don’t attend to your aging parents’ needs, you can bet you’ll feel even more guilty. Also, if you’re trying to hold down a full-time or even part-time job, things become even more stressful. Trying to manage illness, family, and work becomes more and more of a juggling game for women in their forties, and sometimes it feels like you’re the only one playing!
On top of all this, Mother Nature decides to throw her luck into the mix. Many women over the age of forty begin to experience symptoms of menopause: night sweats, mood swings, aggressiveness, increased PMS, insomnia. In a way, this is not bad. The general hustle and bustle of everyday life can distract from these symptoms and certainly leaves no room to indulge. However, if they are very bad and, for example, they prevent you from sleeping, things soon become unbearable and you are not good for anyone, least of all for the people who need you.
Unfortunately, we don’t get to choose what life throws at us and when, but it’s worth noting that this ‘sandwich’ between elderly relatives and the demands of a family of their own is quite unique to older women. Everyone has problems throughout their life, of course, but for women over forty they come in multiple packs instead of one at a time. The trick, according to some of our members here on the Plan Free Mum forum, is to delegate and not feel guilty about it. If you have older children, it is important that they realize that they have to do their part, perhaps learn to prepare a meal or iron, walk the dogs, etc. Expectations need to be lowered on all fronts, especially your own. If you have siblings, make sure they’re doing their fair share of care, too. It’s so easy to move on just to avoid family arguments, but in the end it’s important for everyone to do what they can. In your own home, stop worrying about clean bathrooms and home-cooked meals and at work, have a conversation with your boss, explain the situation, and see if you can work out some arrangement where you can make up the time or work from home or swap turns. or even take a period of unpaid leave if you are in a financial position to do so.
Hitting forty is an exciting time for a woman, and as she progresses through her forties, most women find that things change and that there are many challenges to face and problems to deal with and solve. However, don’t get discouraged in the tumult of it all. As we’re always pointing out here at PFM, you probably still have half of her life left to live and now is the time, even during the darkest of days, to start dreaming about what you want to do with her. Older women now have more opportunities than before, so hold on to that thought, to that dream, and when things settle down a bit, you can join the thousands of other women over forty who have changed the second half of their lives. for good
