Family caregivers must be prepared to make a difficult decision or adjustment almost every day. When you bring a family member into your own home, there will be constant changes to deal with. Other family members, work schedules, and individual nutritional needs often complicate matters.
We had my mother in our house for eight years; the first four were easier than the last. At first, Mom was able to take care of herself with little help. She could manage her meals (if she prepared them ahead of time) and go to bed and get up whenever she wanted. She didn’t worry me that she would fall off the bed.
The mother had congestive heart failure and was later diagnosed with dementia. Life in our home seemed to change rapidly as his physical and mental health deteriorated. Most of her time was spent sitting in her comfortable chair. A home health aide helped with her personal care a few hours a week.
My concerns about the need for more medical equipment and my mother’s safety were verified when I was woken up by a thudding noise in the middle of the night. As I ran to her room, I found Mom on the floor with her pillow and bedding.
I tried to smile as I calmly asked her, “Mom, what are you doing down there?”
He kept looking at me as I unraveled the sheets and checked on her. Finding out that she hadn’t sustained any injuries, I had to determine what to do next.
She responded with a big smile and lots of girlish giggles when I asked, “Are you having a sleepover?”
“Can I join you guys? We can sleep on the floor. I’d like that.”
His huge smile and a childish twinkle in his blue eyes let me know for sure that he was going to be fine where he was for the time being. There was no need to wake everyone in the house. I definitely wouldn’t go anywhere alone.
With no one available to help me until morning, I rolled her onto some warm blankets, cradled her head, and snuggled into her side for the night. This was the beginning of another adjustment in the ever-changing life of a caregiver.
Now it was time to move a hospital bed into our home and I was emotionally unprepared to lock her in bed. The clang of those cold bars as they clicked into place and his look of disapproval was profound. It didn’t seem right to lock up my own mother!
“Oh mommy, you’re really going to like this new bed of yours.” Pointing to the rails, I continued, “Check this out! You even have blanket holders to keep your blankets on the bed so you stay warm all night.”
It was important that I didn’t show any frustration in my expressions as I continued, “And you have a new mattress, aren’t you something now?”
For my mom in her situation, those silly little conversations helped us get through the constant changes without a lot of stress. Mother had become so much like a child, living in and for the present moment. She seemed to mirror the atmosphere around her. Did she necessarily want her to laugh at me or sleep on the floor? Nope! She wanted to share my frustrations with someone. She wanted to cry and complain because she had no help.
Your circumstances may be very different from mine. However, the reality is the same in any given situation: our attitude and approach to unexpected events greatly influences how others will react. Regardless of the age of the people involved, a smile and a kind word will usually make difficult decisions easier to handle.
My prayer is that this article will help you face your daily trials with ease and confidence. One thing I can promise: “My God will supply all your need according to his riches to his glory.” Somehow, he always gave me the strength and wisdom I needed to get ahead. I hope you trust Him to help and comfort you.
