Some people are capable of being literally alone, even for long periods of time, but they feel uncomfortable, depressed, restless, and anxious in their own presence. Some individuals drink alcohol, take pills or smoke marijuana when they are alone, to bring them to another state of consciousness where they feel calm, even stupid. In some cases, mind and body altering substances are substitutes for a mother who was never emotionally present for them as infants and toddlers.

The great psychoanalyst DW Winnicott defined the psychological meaning and origins of the “ability to be alone.” In the first months after birth, mother and child are symbiotic. The child cannot distinguish between himself and his mother or surrogate mother. Through his growing development and the needs met by a loving mother figure, the baby begins to feel secure within himself and internalizes these feelings. According to Winnicott, a key element in this growth toward individuality occurs when the baby learns to be psychologically alone in the presence of a loving parent. When they are together without interacting, the baby feels a solid compassionate presence, a positive and loving reciprocity. As the child matures, he incorporates these feelings of security, protection, and trust into his body, mind, and psyche. Finally, by the age of four or five, the child has reached the psychological capacity to be alone. This ability grows and thrives throughout the many stages of life. .

There are others who never feel safe or loved enough to develop the capacity to be alone. When they were babies and toddlers, they were unwanted, threatened, abandoned, assaulted, thrown away from the start. In many cases, the father has such serious mental problems that he cannot relate to his baby. Some parents act as if the baby is an inanimate object, a doll, that can be cared for one minute and thrown away the next. Many young babies are sent to caregivers who neglect or abuse them. Your chances of developing a sense of confidence and inner security are very slim.

There are extraordinary benefits to having the ability to be alone. Creativity is often fueled by moments spent alone. In these moments the imagination is turned on to spin stories, create characters, travel far, see visions of other worlds, create mental images of color and shape that will become beautiful paintings, have adventures that could never happen if we were surrounded by people all the time. weather. hour. When we are alone and we appreciate the time to be introspective or analyze those great gifts of the night, our dreams, we are moving forward to become more evolved human beings.

There are several ways to learn to be comfortable in your own company:

1. Get to know yourself and learn to appreciate your unique qualities.

2. Practice being alone in thought, dreaming, prayer, or meditation for short periods of time each day.

3. Learn to quiet your mind and body through various types of deep breathing, muscle relaxation, or yoga.

4. Become aware that as your capacity to be alone grows, you are opening the doors of creativity and expanding your awareness.