Now that the poor Detroit Lions have sunk to 0-12 after being blown out by the Tennessee Titans on Thanksgiving… and now that they look poised to become the first 0-16 team in NFL history. .. there are suggestions that they be included in the big federal bailout, especially since the family that owns Ford is asking to be bailed out with their auto company.

Unfortunately, it seems unlikely that Congress will take out its checkbook for the Motown franchise, so it will have to settle for my help. This is my big plan to fix the Lions.

Step No. 1: Give offense a chance. Don’t handle it too much. Newcomer quarterback Daunte Culpepper is as good to me as any possible free agent acquisition, including Matt Cassel, who is fine in the Patriots system but unlikely to duplicate his success elsewhere. . Cassel would also cost too much money…better invested in other parts of the roster. Culpepper is also better than the top two college prospects … Georgia’s Matthew Stafford and Oklahoma’s Sam Bradford. Stafford looks mechanical at times and Bradford hasn’t been prepared for a pro-style offense. They could both be good NFL quarterbacks, but would they be great? Too much bet.

I’d hire a new offensive coordinator who would call the plays of wide receiver sensation Calvin Johnson more than three times a game … try 15 or 20. Johnson is the biggest threat, so use him. He would let Johnson, Culpepper, and young running back Kevin Smith work together and infiltrate…form a winning bond.

Settle the situation with Gosder Cherilus, the current No. 1 draft pick who has been a disaster … par for the course for the Lions. He’s basically a statue at right tackle, unable to move his feet to block the pass-rushers that have turned Culpepper into a human sacrifice in the pocket. If Cherilus can’t improve as a tackle in minicamps, give him a try at guard. If he can’t start there, cut him off and move on.

And speaking of Cherilus… how come Damien Woody was deemed inadequate at right tackle last year, but this year he’s starting for the much better Jets at the same position? How could he not be good enough for the Lions but good enough for the Jets? If the Lions had kept him, they wouldn’t have taken Cherilus, and could have gone with a great running back like Felix Jones or Chris Johnson instead of a good one like Smith.

DO NOT select an offensive left tackle with the #1 pick, as is frequently suggested on the football internet. If the current Jeff Backus would rate around a 90, say, and the newcomer would rate a 100, sure, he’s made the team better but he hasn’t made it that much better. Stay with Backus. Give the offense some continuity.

Step No. 2: Rebuild the team through this upcoming draft solely on defense … more important than offense in the frozen tundra of the NFC North. The Lions have four of the first 65 picks. If he uses two on offense and two on defense, his impact is diffused. Use all four on defense so you bring in a core of guys who are committed to turning the team around.

Of the current players, I’d start with another core four… DT Corey Redding, OLB Ernie Sims, CB Leigh Bodden and S Daniel Bullocks. They are all good young players, or should be. Redding has a big contract, Bodden was last year’s big free-agent signing, Sims and Bullocks were high draft picks. Challenge them…give them high expectations of being the new leaders and motivate them to succeed.

Step #3: With the No. 1 overall pick, trade with agents DE Michael Johnson of Georgia Tech, DT Peria Jerry of Mississippi and MLB James Laurinaitis of Ohio State. A fast and powerful 6-foot-7, 260-pound Johnson swarmed through and around a good Miami team. Jerry seemed unblockable against LSU. Laurinaitis is a fiery, mobile hitter up the middle.

The Lions would be much better off with any of these guys in a key position, but I would try harder for Johnson. A top-tier pressure end is the biggest difference a defense can make…and the hardest to find. Imagine the Lions with a Georgia Tech Johnson (Calvin) leading the offense and another Georgia Tech Johnson (Michael) leading the defense. If nothing else, I could market these two. They would be a big hit in Atlanta.

By the way, when I say all this, I do not claim to be an expert. I never played the game. I don’t know the X’s and O’s and technical nuances to the nth degree. I only have two eyes and I can see these players on TV. And really, how can I, as a fan, do so much worse than the “experts” in the front office who have brought down the Lions?

Step No. 4: If the agents are intractable with silly demands, don’t give in. Try something new… try it the eBay way. Announce that you will be auctioning off the #1 pick with a contract for a certain salary and a certain signing bonus. Let the players (and their agents) apply.

So who would apply? Any player who didn’t think they would be drafted high enough to get the same amount of money the Lions would be offering. Set the money level not outrageously high but high enough to attract plenty of good players to choose from. Defeat the agents and lead your own team; Don’t let the agents beat you and run your team for you.

Step No. 5: Let’s think positive and assume the Lions successfully sack Johnson. Then they have the Dallas pick (from the Roy Williams trade) probably late in the first round. OLB’s Virginia’s Clint Sintim and USC’s Brian Cushing may still be around. Both are 6-3, 255. Either would be an excellent matchup against the smaller Sims on the linebacking corps.

Then comes the first pick in the second round, 33rd overall. MLB Jasper Brinkley of South Carolina should be waiting. Here’s a guy who’s 6-2,275 with an indicated time of 4.75 seconds in the 40-yard dash. These stats sound almost too good to be true… but wouldn’t you like a guy like that on your team patrolling the middle? I would like to.

Then comes the first pick in the third round, 65th overall. What would happen to Michigan manager Terrance Taylor if he were available? He is a good run blocker and would be motivated by playing in his home state. I’ve never understood why the Lions have scorned the products of the U. of M. the way they have… players like Lamar Woodley (young star with Pittsburgh), David Harris (young star with the Jets), Steve Breaston (young star with the Cardinals) or Shawn Crable (potential young star with the Patriots). Neither entered the first round and could have been picked up.

Step No. 6: So now, suddenly, we have eight young players to resurrect a defense that after Game 12 ranked worst in the league in points allowed per game (32.8), worst in the league in rushing yards produced per game. (176.9) and second worst in the league in total yards given up per game (394.3). These are “Animal House” numbers.

That leaves us with a vacant DE, a CB and an S. I’d bet on players at these lower draft positions…hopefully one of them turns out to be a gem like seemingly every other team in the NFL has. but the Lions… and let them compete with the veterans in training camp.

Okay, that does it. Mr. Ford, I’m available.