I recently heard from a wife whose husband’s affair had been going on for two months. The wife had found out from a mutual friend. She really bothered her that her husband hadn’t come clean on her account. However, once the wife confronted her husband, he immediately expressed her sorrow and remorse. In fact, the husband had repeatedly said how sorry he was every day since this conversation.
His repeated apologies were not enough for the wife. They are classified as fake and fake. Her logic made no sense to her. She said, in part, “If he was really sorry he cheated on me, he would have admitted it to me himself without me having to find out from someone else. And if he was really sorry, he wouldn’t have.” first. How can you cheat on someone you love and with whom you are involved? I don’t think you can. Wouldn’t it be nice if we lived in a world where we could do whatever we wanted, say what? Do you feel it and then wipe the slate clean? Well that’s not the way it works. I don’t think he’s really sorry for a second. I just think he’s sorry because he got caught and now he seems like a dishonest jerk. .”
Obviously this wife was seeing something and the strong feelings were very fresh. After some dialogue, it became pretty clear to me that deep down she wanted to believe that he was truly sorry and that she wouldn’t cheat again. She wanted to believe that she was important enough to him for him to tell the truth. But, understandably, she now had trust issues and doubted if she could believe her claims.
In the next article, I’ll go over a few ways to tell if a man is really sorry about cheating or just sorry about getting caught, since it’s all out in the open now.
A man who is truly sorry for cheating will show that his priority is with you: Hopefully, it goes without saying that a truly repentant man will drop the other person like a hot potato. If he wants to repair his relationship and restore trust, then he will be dead serious about cutting off all contact and ties with the other person. Not only that, but it will remove vulnerabilities that lead to cheating on him.
For example, if you cheated on an overnight business trip, you will stop traveling alone. Now, if he has a certain friend who is a bad influence on him, he will leave that friend immediately without a second thought. In short, a man who is truly sorry for his actions does not make excuses or try to divert your attention from what he did. He takes responsibility for it, distances himself from the things that contributed to it, and then focuses on fixing his relationship with you.
If he’s really sorry for cheating on you, he’s fully responsible and appreciates you checking him out: Most of the time, a man who is genuine after cheating on you will understand why you don’t trust him. To that end, he probably wants to go to great lengths to show you that he has nothing to hide. He will give you his cell phone, his Facebook account, his email passwords and anything else you want to see.
He does these things because he knows you won’t find anything and he wants to show you his willingness to work with you. Now some men resent this and some are reluctant to give up their privacy. But once they realize that this is necessary and important to their peace of mind, most will decide that their well-being is more important than their privacy at this point. (Although obviously this can’t last forever.) Do you see the trend here? In almost every subject, he is choosing your needs over his. Sure, he may really miss his friends or his clothes, but he wants to show that you’re more important to him than any of these things.
When I say this to women, some tell me that even though they wish their man would do all of this, he doesn’t. She says that she’s sorry, but doesn’t show responsibility or focus on the relationship. Before you assume this means he’s not really sorry, at least give him a chance to make things right. Yes, it is frustrating having to explain to him what you want and need. But sometimes men just don’t get the clues or aren’t intuitive enough to find this out on their own. Sometimes they really want to do the right thing, but they need you to tell them what that really is.
True pain is demonstrated by a person’s actions, not by words written or spoken: Sometimes people ask me if I will read a letter that their husband or boyfriend wrote to see if it is genuine. The truth is that you can’t always know about this. People can and will say or write anything to make you believe they’re sorry. It is true that the fact that they are putting in all this time and effort certainly says something. But, only time and observing their actions will tell you the truth.
Because when a person is truly sorry for hurting you, they’re pretty adamant that they won’t do it again. They strive to become a better husband or boyfriend and then follow through. They compensate you in various ways for the way they treat you and your relationship. This is a real regret. It does not come through written or spoken words. It comes through action and character.
