The most unfortunate side of divorce are those who never had a choice about it: the children. No one marries with the idea in mind that this will eventually end, but sadly, it becomes the inevitable. For many couples, the follow-up to the decision to divorce is the tough conversations that must be had with children who have no idea that their lives are about to be disrupted and upset. In my case, the conversation I had with our son and my stepdaughter is one of the worst I have ever had in my life. To top it all, we had to communicate this decision to our children who were already dealing with the effects of our conflict. My ex and I no longer recognized each other and could hardly bear to be in the same room at the time. So having to tell them that we would separate and see the expression on their faces is what caused us to put our own feelings aside to get to work and focus on making sure they would remain priority one at all times. The goal in mind was to make sure they felt protected and filled with love blooming all year from us to them. We decided that it was better to be partners rather than competitors when it came to raising our children. This is how we have been able to be successful parents together to date. My ex and I have become friends again thanks to this understanding, and because of this, our children are happier than ever.

One of the often overlooked aspects of co-parenting is co-parenting or co-parenting your current spouse’s children with your ex. I was surprised the other day while watching actress Jada Pinkett-Smith’s new web talk show series Red Table Talk. In his first episode, he sat down in one-on-one conversation with Will Smith’s ex-wife, Sheree Fletcher. Both women detailed how co-parenting wasn’t easy at first, but that they were able to find common ground and successfully master it through their mutual love for Will’s eldest son, Trey.

One of the things they detailed in their talk interview was learning how to co-mother along with Sheree, who was divorcing Will Smith at the time, and Jada Pinkett stepping into the situation as the new girlfriend. It made me think of my own situation where I came on the scene with my 2-year-old stepdaughter when I met my ex, and how dealing with her mother started out very difficult. We were very young and had no idea what to expect with this new family dynamic and how it would affect her. It was interesting to see Jada and Sheree discuss this topic openly because it is the other side of the co-parenting experience that we don’t know about. Probably because it provides information on the whole stigma of babymomma. You know that nasty label society has put on single mothers who raise their children. Regardless of the circumstances surrounding why a relationship ended, single mothers are labeled as the angry and bitter individual with whom it is impossible to deal. An outcast for your ex’s new relationship. Just the thought of this is enough for anyone to want to avoid entering a new relationship with someone who has children from a previous relationship. The idea of ​​feeling powerless in a situation where you have no control can be terrifying. But, the reality is that in the world we live in, it happens every day and many blended families have successfully conquered this stigma.

Co-parenting is not easy. But, the best way to be a successful co-parent is to come to a mutual understanding through your shared love for your children. Love for our children is what is often forgotten in mixed family situations. This is because the adults involved are often more concerned with protecting their egos than with the family unit. I am living proof that it is not always easy to agree on our differences with our exes, but you can overcome them. I always say that things can easily go according to plan if people only learn to adjust their expectations to their reality. This is what Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith and Sheree Fletcher have also done. They realized that they were responsible for the trip and their love for their children far outweighed any problems they had with each other. This love is what made them contribute equally to the growth and development of Trey and his siblings. The goal is for children to grow and prosper. The only way to do this is by building a solid foundation in which love remains at the center.