It is very difficult to ‘break America’. Many have tried and failed, whether in film, television or music. For every Ricky Gervais, there are a multitude of failed suitors, including Oasis and Manic Street Preachers. Mention any of those bands in Europe and you’ll be inundated with fans. Ask the question in America and no doubt a blank face will point you in the direction of a desert or a church.
You see, as the world becomes Americanized, the US is very picky about what it accepts on its shores, with the sole exception of cars. For every Chevrolet or Chrysler dealer there are competing BMW and Mercedes Benz franchises. You see, Europe knows how to build a car, and historically, even though Henry Ford got things going with the Model T, America has lagged behind. Thus, in defiance of the American Dream(TM), European cars dominate the roads of the world, and the US begs Europe to accept its automotive offers.
Well, the US release may well come from your local Chrysler dealer, though there are a few stipulations first. You must be extremely wealthy, have no children, and be prepared to receive whiplash every time you accelerate. Has the Chrysler Grand Voyager been fitted with a turbo where the rear seats should be? No, with a riotous bellow, the Dodge Viper is back in town. Ok, so this is a car that only the top 1% of the world’s population would even consider buying, but it clearly demonstrates that when they put their mind to it, America can build a car that is simply a brilliant monster.
The old Viper was conceived and born when Chrysler was in one of its financial crises. Despite this, for roughly $50 million (car design typically costs $1 billion) and just 17 men, the Viper was launched and showed little sign of cost cutting. True, you couldn’t open the windows, and the roof looked like it did the last time I tried to build a tent, but under the hood was an 8-liter V10 engine that dumped 400 horsepower onto the road. Subtlety wasn’t a strong point, but it’s widely recognized and loved around the world, even if that’s thanks to a strong performance in the Gran Turismo racing game.
So what has changed with the latest offering? Well, worryingly, Chrysler advertised that the new car would be more civilized, and on initial inspection it appears so. The windows now roll down then up again, the roof top tent has been erected correctly and the pedals can even be adjusted to fit your shoe size, would you believe electronically? Fortunately, despite this, the car is about as civilized as Borat at a dinner party and Chrysler is to be thanked for keeping its cocktail ten parts whiskey and zero parts mixer. Power has skyrocketed from 400 to 500 horsepower, and the car’s weight remains unchanged. This healthy equation results in a 0-60 in 3.9 seconds and a top speed in excess of 190 mph.
If the devil were a car, then look no further. Exhaust bellows and tires screech as they struggle to get any energy into the black stuff. The interior is cramped, the materials used are so cheap that, pulling out my calculator, I can confirm that the total is the same as two pints of beer. If you have played Gran Turismo, you will know that the car handles like a hippo on ice and that at the end of any curve you will be going backwards. The real version shows how realistic the game is.
It looks like the work of Lucifer too. The car literally becomes aggressive and feels like it’s going 150 mph from a standstill. The front bumper could easily eat several small children and the hood vents look like they could suck a country the size of Wales into the engine. Chrysler’s big problem then is who will buy the devil on wheels? Even David Beckham may think the car is too ostentatious, leaving the likes of 10 cent and his rapper friends… oh, 50 cent, my apologies, to foot the bill.
Compare the Viper on paper to a Ferrari, Porsche, Lamborghini and others, and you’ll lose. It’s not the fastest; it’s not the prettiest and it’s definitely not the best handling. All of this, however, is like saying “no” to Cindy Crawford because she has a mole. Despite a flaw or two, the Viper is, no arguments please, a supermodel for the road. Yes, it’s high maintenance, very expensive and noisy, but isn’t that the idea of a supercar? What Chrysler has done is create the perfect behemoth and show that America has what it takes to compete with the best in Europe. Hopefully Chrysler and the financial crisis will never be mentioned in the same sentence again.
