I still remember getting the call, the call I knew was coming but was surprised to hear nonetheless. My friend, Johnny, after only 10 months of marriage to a girl everyone knew wasn’t right for him, had gotten a divorce. Instead of becoming a happily ever after couple, Johnny and Marissa had joined millions of Americans and become statistics. Statistics of the too common divorce.
It’s funny how these short-term marriages and long-term miseries happen. It usually starts with a severe case of “Oneitis”.
Don’t you know the word Oneitis? Well, surely you know the symptoms of this infectious disease:
* You think you have met the girl who is perfect for you, with whom you can have a great relationship and eventually marry
* You ignore the malicious behavior and abuse that comes from this girl, still believing that she is “The One”
* You see and meet girls that you know would be so much better for you, but you ignore them because the girl you’re with is prettier, taller, skinnier, a series of superficial qualities that don’t add up to me loving you. I know you could get somewhere else
* You spend tons of money on this girl, and she never bothers to thank you, or if she does, it’s less than sincere
* All your friends tell you that this girl is not right for you, but you ignore their advice
* Maybe your friends have even fought with this girl, but you defend her even though deep down you know that her behavior is unacceptable
* You spend all your time with this girl and ignore your friends and family
* You find yourself calling her all the time to see what she’s doing and who she’s with.
* You can’t get this girl out of your mind, even when she’s gone!
If you’ve ever seen the classic movie couple swappingthen you know what Oneitis is: it’s the character of Mikey!
Unfortunately, many boys become the Mikeys of this world. And while some men can go through this with a girl they’re just dating, other men, like Johnny, carry this obsession into marriage. And that’s when the “disease” turns deadly.
How do you know when a girl is right for you? I could write book after book about what’s right and what’s wrong, but it all boils down to ten essential ingredients for lasting success:
She supports and encourages his goals and interests. A girl who is right for you should go your way, not try to redirect you her way. Unfortunately, Johnny’s wife wanted him to do something completely different than the direction he wanted to go, so it was no wonder their romance fizzled out so quickly. Guys, if you can’t be open about your feelings, interests, passions, and purposes, then you shouldn’t be with the girl. She must be able to listen and understand, not ignore and mock.
You can accept her and her goals and interests. Just as a woman should support you and push you on the path you want to follow, you should also be able to do the same for her. If she likes riding motorcycles and you hate it, or if she wants to travel the world and you just want to stay in one place, the two of you probably aren’t right for each other. Similarly, you must be able to understand her emotions and concerns; both MUST be good and compassionate listeners.
She loves you for you, not for your money and possessions. So many rich and powerful men have destructive relationships with women. Why? Because the woman does not marry these men, they marry with her money. And divorce doesn’t come cheap, so even when these guys break up with bloodsuckers, women still get a big piece of the pie!
He usually gets along with your family and friends and doesn’t mind seeing them. Many guys seem to forget this, seeing how their girlfriend takes them further and further away from their family and friends to have him alone. I have an uncle who blindly allowed himself to end all contact with his family because his wife hated them. Somehow they are still married, but is that the kind of woman you want to be with?
She is on the same page, spiritually, as you. Spirituality is something important for couples: it can bring them together like nothing else. I know so many couples who are happily married because they believe in the same God, the same purpose in life, the same deep feelings about their existence. In contrast, couples who struggle over the issues of life just don’t have the same love affair. The right girl for you doesn’t necessarily have to believe in the same religious tenets and tenets as you do, but if she’s an atheist and you’re a Christian, things might not work out in the long run.
He wants to spend as much time with you as he does with his own friends and family. This may seem like a no-brainer, but a lot of guys fawn over girls who only see them on THEIR schedule. If a girl is really right for you, you shouldn’t obsess over her or ask her permission to see her. Both must WANT to see each other and miss being together, that is a sign that they are both in love.
They both share the same feelings for each other. If in your heart of hearts you know that you want to marry her and spend the rest of your life with her, but she is noncommittal and lazy, then you should go ahead. A true and loving partner must fully accept you for who you are and how you feel. On the other hand, if you both feel comfortable sharing her feelings and she accepts the deep things you reveal to her, then you have found a real trap!
They both make time for each other, including through work and school. Spending quality time with others is crucial. If your girl is always at her job, concentrating on her career, or studying for a degree and not making the effort to be with you, then it’s time to move on. True love knows no limits, including time. While it’s great to have a girl who is serious about her career and her education, it can also break the relationship if she takes it too seriously.
Money and possessions are not as important as love. This one is simple: if your girl only talks about possessions and money, if that’s where her true values lie, then you may want to walk away from the relationship. All girls want good things in life, but if she really loves you, then how much you earn and how much you give her shouldn’t be #1 on her priority list.
Both of you are able to put each other ahead of yourselves. This can be the success or failure of a relationship. If she is willing to do things for you, sacrifice time with her friends or time at work to be with you and cook you food, then you have become a winner. However, if she always cancels dates, she spends more time with her friends than with you, and she never gives you any gifts or acts of service, then you’ve come across as a bitch. Move on. When she treats herself more important than you, then you are headed for disaster.
In the end, you want a girl who can be close to you and know that she values you day and night. If you are in a relationship now that you want to be more serious, ask yourself if the woman you are with meets these 10 requirements. And if you’re looking for love, don’t get too involved unless you really feel like the girl treats you right.
For all of you who are married or just got divorced, I highly recommend checking out this great service I found on the web. You can get free, high-quality newsletters that will tell you how to handle your marriage, or find a new one, and what kinds of signs to watch for that your relationship is in jeopardy. Check out Save My Marriage Today now.
And remember: There is a big difference between “The One” that is right for you… and “The One” that will become your biggest nightmare!
