You are stuck. You could never have imagined that it would be you. You and your boyfriend have been dating for longer than you wanted to admit. You waited patiently for months for him to ask the most important question and present you with a stunning diamond engagement ring, but the wait is not over yet, is it? He seems no closer to proposing today than he was on your first date. It’s frustrating. It is disheartening and confusing. If he loves you as much as he constantly claims, why the resistance? Beyond that, what should you be doing? You’ve been toying with the idea of ​​giving him an ultimatum. You are thinking that since you are withholding the only thing you really want, which is a compromised future, you should play that game too and retain the only thing you really want. But is cutting off intimate contact really the way to get your dream wedding?

Why an ultimatum won’t give you what you want from him

The moment a woman threatens her man with an ultimatum designed to win him a commitment, she can say goodbye to the dream of being his wife forever. Most men don’t do well when emotionally cornered, particularly in relation to something life-changing like a commitment. If you tell your boyfriend that you will not sleep with him until he becomes your fiancée, you can also start packing his things so you can get him out of your life.

Men do things on their own schedule. It is the reason it takes a man three hours to take out the trash or six months to paint a room. When they feel that the time is right to do something, they will gladly do it. Hence the reason why you have yet to sport a stunning diamond ring on your finger. Your boyfriend isn’t ready to ask you to be his wife, and removing sex from the equation certainly won’t speed it up.

What happens when you stop having sex with him?

If you follow through on your threat not to have sex with him until he proposes to you, he will feel deeply resentful of you. The same is true if you decide to take a more subtle approach and stop sleeping with him in hopes that he will suddenly realize and realize that he is going to lose the closeness that you two share unless he decides it’s time. to become your partner. half orange.

Intimacy is a very important part of a relationship, particularly one that you hope will result in a life-long commitment. If you remove physical intimacy from the equation, you can expect emotional intimacy to collapse as well.

Your boyfriend is likely to absorb your refusal to sleep with him (either a total “no” or a more simplistic approach like “My head hurts”) as a personal affront. He will be desperately hurt and will create an emotional barrier between the two of you that will be very difficult for you to overcome.

Talk to your boyfriend about how you feel

If you actually feel less connected to him because the fact that he doesn’t want to marry hurts you, tell him. Explain that for you, physical and emotional intimacy are intertwined, and because you feel rejected in a sense because of his refusal to marry you, it is more difficult for you to feel closer to him physically.

It is important to realize that men tend to view physical intimacy in a very different way than we do. They can separate the emotions from him and are better able to enjoy sex for what it is physically.

If you explain calmly and compassionately that you are looking forward to living your life with him and that you are uncomfortable continuing to be intimate without some kind of promise, expect him to return it. It is important that you do not tell him that you will not sleep with him until he is engaged. Be clear that you want to be intimate, but it would have more meaning if the two of you were on the road to a more committed relationship.

Let him know that your needs and wants are just as important to you as hers are to him, and that you hope that, over time, he will see the future with the same eyes as you.