At the end of a good day you start crying for no particular reason.

At the end of a bad day you start laughing for no particular reason.

At the end of each day, you go to bed and sleep on your side.

You refuse to throw away His toothbrush, His razor, His bar of soap. Because you think he will need them.

The sight of His bathrobe hanging from a hook on the back of the bathroom door makes you cry, but you refuse to throw it away. Because the smell reminds you of Him. And you never want to forget the best friend you had.

Your life revolves around trips to the cemetery to plant tulips in spring, marigolds in summer, geraniums in fall, and mistletoe in winter. And because you promised.

You wear His wedding ring wound through a chain around your neck, carefully tucked under your shirt.

You wear your wedding ring. Because you still feel married.

You had a terrible, horrible, miserable and ugly day. And he’s not here to tell you that everything will be okay.

You talk to your dog. And I swear to God that silly dog ​​understands every word you say.

You tell everyone who asks, how are you? the big lie, I’m fine. That’s because you know they don’t understand. You know they can’t. And you pray they never do.

You sit like a dog for animal biscuits on a job application. You cannot decide which box to check: Single, Married, Divorced, Other. Honestly, you don’t know.

The lamp in the living room lights up. And he didn’t flip the switch. You really believe that it is a message sent by Him.

You sit in coffee shops for hours on end writing on paper napkins. Because you can’t bear the thought of sitting home alone.

You’re dying * sorry for the pun * to get out of the house, but once you get out, you long to go home. You just don’t feel safe without Him by your side.

The sight of two strangers, a man and a woman, holding hands, burns you. Because it reminds you of the life you had with him. The life you planned to have with him.

You get caught in the pouring rain without an umbrella. And honestly, you don’t give a damn.

Your big night is a trip to the garbage can to throw away the garbage. And you swear to God, you discovered the joy of grief. Because you’re thankful to have two hands to carry the banana peels, empty cereal boxes, and milk jugs with shredded vitamin D, and two feet to carry you.

You stand by the kitchen sink eating cold pizza for breakfast

You lose weight. Because you can’t eat, you miss it so much that you lose your appetite for chocolate.

You gain weight. Because you can’t stop eating, you miss it so much that you think a Twinkie Hostess or an Oreo Cookie will fill the void.

It marks the time BD * before His death * and AD * after His death *. Because endless memories spin around in your brain and you need a reference point to manage your thoughts.

At the end of each day you ask yourself the magic question, how did I do it? So say the magnificent prayer, please God, can I do it one more day? And you know in your heart, with His help, you can.