On the one hand, you can pay attention to your own needs and do what you can to satisfy them, and on the other hand, you can focus on the needs of others and do what you can to satisfy them. If your life is a reflection of the former, you are likely to be much more fulfilling than if your life were a reflection of the latter.

However, just because you focus on your own needs doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t be there for others. Whereas when one focuses on other people’s needs, they are likely to neglect their own needs.

Out of balance

You could say that the ideal is that you feel comfortable with your own needs, and that will then allow you to truly be there for others. Unless they can do this, they will end up unbalanced.

While being there for others will allow them to receive approval; it will not allow them to satisfy their own needs. So it may be normal for them to feel like they are running out of energy.

Disinterested

But even though one is neglecting oneself, one may feel that one is doing the ‘right’ thing. This is likely a sign that they are not comfortable with their own needs.

However, that does not mean that they will realize this, and this is partly due to how the world is. Putting other people first is often seen as the ideal way to live, and if one were to put their needs first, it can be seen as ‘selfish’.

Shame

Based on this, having needs is something to be ashamed of, and this means that one will not only need to hide them from others; they will also need to hide them from themselves. However, since having needs is an inherent part of being human, it will not be possible to simply ignore them.

The only thing this will do is make them suffer, and it won’t matter how much approval they get from others. In this sense, being ashamed of having needs is irrational; there is no reason why one should feel this way.

A lifestyle

However, while there is no reason why one should feel this way, it does not mean that one can simply let go of this perspective and move on. They may feel compelled to please others, and even though this causes them pain, it may be what feels good.

Then their life will be neglected and they will not be able to be themselves. So unless something changes, they will continue to sabotage their own lives.

feedback

When it comes to the people they spend their time with, they might say that one is ‘easy going’ and is only too happy to lend a hand. One could also be described as someone who never gets angry.

If this is the case, the way you appear to others is not going to match how you feel inside. Even if they talk and reveal their needs, they may end up feeling guilty and like they’ve done something wrong.

A jail

So from the outside, one might not look like they’re in pain, but if someone traded places with them for a day, it might feel like they’re in a prison. Because of how they are, people usually won’t notice, and because of how they feel, it will be hard for them to open up.

It could also be normal for them to feel that they are being victimized by others, and then they may believe that they have no control over their life. However, no matter how long one has experienced life this way, it does not mean that one has to continue to experience life this way.

Self esteem

One way of looking at this would be to say that one has low self-esteem and that is why they have a need to please others. Therefore, it will be important for them to change the way they feel about themselves, as well as the perspective they have.

In this case, the focus could be on what is going on in your mind, and this may mean that you will need to change your beliefs as well as your thoughts. During this time, one could use affirmations and positive thoughts, among other things.

another angle

However, while one might end up feeling good about themselves by taking this approach, it doesn’t mean that they no longer have the need to please others. This could be what feels safe, and this could be a sign that they are experiencing trauma.

As a result of this, it may not matter what you do on an intellectual level, and you may also need to observe what is going on in your body on an emotional level. If you have an emotional buildup, for example, it’s not just about changing things; it will also be about letting go.

a deeper look

When you have a strong need to please others, there is a chance that your childhood was a time when you had to ignore your own needs. During this time, it may not have been safe for them to reveal their needs and so it would have been normal for them to tune out.

So it wasn’t that they had the occasional moment when their needs were ignored; it was a way of life. Therefore, focusing solely on your mind will not be enough; they will need to take a closer look at what is going on in their body.

Awareness

It could be argued that working on the mind is much easier than working on the body, and this may be why the body is often overlooked. If you have an emotional buildup and/or are experiencing trauma, it will be important to seek support.

This is something that can be done with the help of a therapist and/or a support group.