Life on the learning curve

I was recently working outside on my laptop. A small fluorescent green insect came to alight. It marched back and forth across the top of the screen from one end to the other. did not fly It didn’t jump. She just marched around like Groucho Marx in his tuxedo. He did a little dance at each end, bobbing up and down like a bird, before turning to go the other way. Why in the world? I watched in total fascination. What feeds the brain of an insect? Do you know that you are making these decisions? Or is it scheduled? Not being a bug, I had no idea how this particular bug should behave. I was completely curious. Being humans, we’re pretty sure we know how another should behave. But how is it possible that we can?

radical curiosity

One of the easiest, most peaceful and most fun ways to go through life is with the mindset of absolute Radical Curiosity. Axiomatically, one of the best things we can do for our relationships is to approach them with radical curiosity. Why does the other do what he does, think what he thinks and take an interest in what he is? It’s all very fascinating. And it’s pretty easy once you get the hang of it. All that is required is a different point of view. Curiosity, after all, is little more than maintaining a sense of wonder, wonder, and inquisitiveness: a complete unknowing. Beginner’s mind.

Adventurers maintain a beginner’s mind when traveling to and into unfamiliar territory. Everything is fresh, new and unknown. Isn’t learning different ways of being the goal of traveling? Why do other cultures do what they do? Believe what they believe? Eat what they eat? To enhance the relationship, be it romance, work or family, try to approach those with whom you have a relationship with the mind of a curious adventurer. When you do, watch the other person light up as you dedicate yourself to discovering all the little quirks and weaknesses that make them who they are. Every person you meet is a vast universe unto itself.

All our many differences:

We are so vastly different… in our

• Tastes in food, entertainment, decor, music.
• Special high places, low places, forbidden places and secret passages
• Customs, traditions, celebrations and festivals
• Border patrols and security: a person has loose borders; others are strict
• Climates, temperatures, weather, provisions
• Forms of personal expression through dance, athletics, acting, yoga, extreme sports
• Ideas on what makes a friend, how to choose friends, and when friendships should end
• Ideas of our work in the world
• Desired balance of being together and being apart
• Preferences and sexual behaviors.
• Many and diverse practices and beliefs around life and death.

There are many more, or courses.

The Radical Tourist

To be a good traveler one must be radically curious about why others do what they do, love what they love, are motivated by the things they are, or scared by some things and not others. What is your story? It’s so… well… human to think that others are like us, or maybe just a little different from us. No. Each one of us is totally unique and very different. Discovering how different we are begins and ends with curiosity. The people we relate to are not the same today as they were yesterday. Hell, they’re not the same as they were an hour ago. Curious will reveal the ways in which that is true. When we are genuinely curious about ourselves, others, and the relationship, we take the lid off. The expectations are gone. New possibilities have room to grow.

self discovery first

“Turn your gaze inward and you will find a thousand regions of your mind yet to be discovered. Explore them and be an expert in domestic cosmography.” ~Henry David Thoreau

What’s your story? How curious are you about the things you do? Have you discovered your own secret places? Are you familiar with your own security system? You may want to get out your journal and start exploring your own land using the bullet points above. What are your tastes in food, music and decoration? Do you know your tastes clearly enough to articulate them to another person? Self-observation is a life skill; Communicating your preferences is a relationship skill.

A whole new world curiosity

This is the place of not knowing. It is the place where black and white come together to form something new. It is being open to seeing things in many different ways. Someone once asked me what our world would be like if we had three different primary colors instead of the yellow, red, and blue we have. I have taken them so much for granted that I have never pondered the question. Something amazing.

What gets in the way of curiosity?

If curiosity is deep ‘not knowing’, then things like having to know, or being right, or insisting on control – from another person or circumstances – will certainly get in the way of being curious. Culturally we believe that it is safer and more admirable to have the correct answer, to know what to do and how to do it. We believe that controlling our world will keep us on the right side of failure, whether that pending failure is real or imagined. Knowing gives us a false sense of security. If I keep you in a box where I (pretend) I can temper you, you’re much safer for me than going around being… well… unpredictable. How dare you blow up my illusion of control by being unpredictable! Curiosity makes us drop all standards, rules, controls, illusions. It is a very present moment activity.

When we believe we’re right, we’re one small step away from judging others and ourselves as right or wrong when things don’t measure up to our predetermined standard. Judging kills curiosity. Judgment and curiosity are like oil and water or light and darkness. They cannot exist in the same space. Flip a light switch in a dark room and the darkness vanishes. Activate curiosity and judgment fades. Judgment causes separation. Curiosity creates closeness. Knowing this gives us options.

After you’ve explored your own universe, you may want to use the same points above to interview other people in your life and learn about their world. How deep can you take your own curiosity? Curiosity breeds curiosity. Plant the seed and watch it grow. I would love to know what you discover, about yourself, about others or about this different way of seeing the world.