You have discovered that your husband has cheated on you. You feel betrayed, angry, hurt, jealous, and insecure about your future. The pain may feel like someone close to you has died. In a way, someone has died. The man you expected to be faithful to you, and only you, he is no longer the person you trust.

overcome trauma

If you and your husband have decided to save the marriage after an affair, you will have to work through some of the painful emotions you are experiencing. You may also have disturbing images in your mind of your partner being with another woman. You are going through a trauma, and you will no doubt be shocked from time to time as you process your thoughts and remember what you are feeling now. This is a natural symptom for someone who has been through trauma. Time will slowly heal your wounds, but it helps to be able to identify your emotions and learn how to prevent them from turning you into a weak and depressed individual. This will help you heal at a faster rate. Let’s take a look at two of the most common post-adventure emotions.

Post-Affair Emotion 1: Jealousy

Jealousy consists of the feeling of anger, sadness and disgust. She comes with negative thoughts and feelings, insecurity, anxiety, and fear of losing her husband to another woman. You may be wondering what she has to offer this other woman that you don’t. What attributes does she have that make her so attractive to him that she would betray you to get what she was looking for? Jealousy also triggers your husband’s mental images of her being unfaithful with this woman, while you were at home or at work being a loving and productive couple.

Post-Adventure Emotion 2: Uncertainty

The uncertainty consists of the consequences of your world falling apart. It’s like there was an earthquake and you lost your whole house. This can’t be happening to you. It doesn’t feel real. What you thought you had no longer exists, and you don’t really know what direction your life will take. This is a devastating emotion. Uncertainty can leave you going around in circles.

Both of these powerful post-affair emotions can slow down your healing process if you don’t do anything about it. They will consume you and haunt you. It is very important to do something about these emotions before they take you to a dark place of no return.

How to deal with jealousy and uncertainty

Once you’ve identified these emotions, you can take careful steps to overcome them. Use these strategies to deal with your emotions:

Coping Strategy #1: Say “No” to emotional impulses

When it comes to jealousy, you may be tempted to take revenge on your husband. You will feel this need due to the constant negative images that go through your head about the matter. They will even haunt you while you sleep. You will feel pain and be tempted to act. Maybe you want to give your husband a taste of his own medicine, or maybe you just give him the silent treatment for several months so he always knows you’re mad at him.

Acting on these emotions will not be productive in healing your pain or your marriage. They will simply delay your healing or push you and your husband away and add more guilt, regret, and a host of other troubling emotions. Take a stand right now, realizing that you are going to have negative thoughts and want to retaliate, and tell yourself that you must say “NO” to acting on your emotional impulses.

Coping strategy 2: trust someone you trust

Whatever emotions you may be experiencing, express them to someone you trust. It really helps to have someone who will listen to you with an open ear and allow that pent up pain to come out into words. You’ll feel so much better once you open up. Just be very careful who you choose to share this sensitive conversation with. If your goal is to save your marriage, you don’t want people like family and friends to start treating your husband like a monster. They will hold a grudge against you and may not want to be around you while you are with your husband as they will label you a cheater.

You may be better off instead confiding in a counselor or someone from a church who shows compassion without giving you negative advice to fuel the fire you feel inside.

If you can conquer your emotions, you can start your healing on the right track.