1) Fear of “not moving”

Topical steroid withdrawal symptoms were very debilitating. I remembered days and weeks of not wanting to move, because the simple act of moving is associated with pain and pain. So I was afraid to move.

My neck had it worse. It was constantly raw, flaky, oozing. Every time he turned his head, he hurt me. Every time he responded to someone, it hurt. I had to move like a zombie from one point to another to minimize the pain.

The back of my knees and calves were another problem. Just stretching my leg broke my skin. Every bedtime was a problem. I had to place my legs in an awkward and unnatural position so that my raw skin would not come into contact with the sheets. I expected a motionless sleep, which was almost impossible. Every turn in bed meant new contact with my raw, oozing skin, which equaled more pain and anguish.

When I got solid control of my skin condition (thanks to MW) and regained some kind of mobility, I really wanted to move to forget about my weakened state.

I started playing soccer near the end of month 3 of my retirement. There were still open wounds, mostly dry, and many patches of “spotted” looking bumpy skin. I wanted to break a sweat, restart my cardiovascular system, and hopefully sweat my way out of TSW.

I started jogging, then running, then doing bodyweight exercises whenever I could. It has continued from month 3 (January) to today. I would take walks often and enjoy them. I would shop for hours with my partner and not complain when my feet hurt. I would choose to exercise unless I had muscle fatigue from DOMS. I may be overcompensating for the weakening I experienced, but I don’t care one bit. I developed a fear of “not moving.” Simply because of TSW, I understand that good health is something you have to work hard to achieve, and being able to move is a sign of good health.

I never want to go back to where I was before: bedridden, slow, like a zombie. And I will work hard to maintain the status that I currently have.

2) Fear of missing out

I missed so many things during my TSW because I couldn’t do them: activities that I loved to do, food that I loved to eat, events that I would like to go to, etc.

Now, I just want to do things, while I can.

Going through TSW gave me the perspective that one should not take for granted the ability to do basic things (move, function, converse, speak, listen, see).

Life is short, so experiment as much as you can, while you can.

One day you will be sick and bedridden. Tick ​​tock, tick tock, your time is running out. Make meaningful use of your time from now on.

3) Fear of unknown iatrogenics

Now, I constantly think about iatrogenics: every activity I do, every meal I eat, every supplement I take, even every text I write.

The reality is that everything has its advantages and disadvantages, pros and cons, risks and benefits. Running can help build stronger muscles and skeletons, but it also wears out ligaments. Using moisturizers can bring you comfort, but it can change the structural integrity of your skin. Eating things gives you energy, at the expense of tissue oxidation that damages our cells.

I was less worried about all of this before TSW, but after TSW, I’m more in tune and smarter about understanding the risks.

The key is to minimize the risk and maximize the rewards. It is always easy when the risks are well documented. The disorder occurs when there are unknown risks or iatrogenicity. It is known that negative trials are rarely published in research/clinical trials. Therefore, a potential source of information is simply not available to the public. As consumers, we are faced with advertisements for products that have a skewed representation of their benefits, with little or no attention to their risks. Most of the time, consumers take supplements based on the product’s face value, without regard to “what could go wrong.”

And it is these unknown risks that worry me, sometimes too much. But thanks to TSW, it’s a lesson learned. I will not make the same mistake twice.

I see these fears as a good thing to have, something that keeps me alert so that I don’t fall back to where I was before. Fear can be a very strong motivating factor when put to good use.

Have you developed any new fears throughout your TSW?