It sounds like such a simple question. In fact, it’s so simple that most women assume they know the answer. These are just some of the responses women often give when asked to describe exactly what men want in a woman.
– Men just want sex.
– Men don’t want to commit.
– Men don’t know what they want.
Yes, those are the typical answers that are accepted by the majority. There are certainly plenty of men who fall into the categories listed above, but those answers don’t really tell the whole story. What is missing is an understanding of how men and women express what they want and need differently.
Men and women “taste” emotions differently
Let me use this example to illuminate these particular differences. Did you know that there are professional taste testers? These people can take a sip of soda or taste a spoonful of ketchup and tell you exactly what ingredients are in each. Some are so good that they can even describe the amounts of each ingredient that has touched their palate.
To do this, these masters of tactical intuition can identify more than 50 to 70 different types of tastes. The average person can’t tell half of this. Due to their wide range of different flavors, they can distinguish between several different types of candy, whereas most people would only describe two or three different variations.
It’s not that they just have talent; no, what sets them apart is that they can distinguish more kinds of flavors than the average person. Most people cannot describe what is different between two similar types of soft drinks because they have a limited number of taste perceptions to choose from to describe.
How do the various emotional perceptions apply to men?
The woman has the same great capacity with her feelings as the expert taster with her palette. For the four or five different flavors of anger a woman possesses, a man has one. He is angry or not. Not a little angry or a little upset, just angry or not.
A woman talks about the depth of her love for a man and can describe the subtleties that she feels when she thinks about her beloved. A man just feels in love. Not very in love or slightly curious, but just in love or not very sure.
This pattern applies to almost all the feelings that men and women possess. It’s not that men don’t feel as much as women, it’s just that they don’t have the ability to put those feelings into words as well as their female counterparts.
Men like to be understood on their own level.
Because of this handicap, what men find refreshingly captivating is a woman who seems to understand them, even when they don’t quite get the words. It is surprising that most women do not understand how attractive they are to a man on those occasions when a woman is able to understand her gestures, expressions and offers of admiration.
To do this, most women focus on trying to get a man to express himself as a woman. They want me to describe in detail the inner workings of all his thoughts. They don’t want me to be a woman, but they assume a man can express himself emotionally, with a little help.
If you’ve tried this with a man, then you know that it often leaves both the man and the woman feeling frustrated and misunderstood. May I offer you a suggestion? The first rule to win a man’s heart is to make him feel understood. If you assume that a man’s intentions towards you are good and noble, then you already have an advantage over most women.
You think their intentions are good and work from there.
What does this mean? If you think a man means well with you, when he says or does something you don’t like, ask him why he acted that way instead of telling him that he did it wrong. Treat him with respect when you disagree with him, even if you’re angry, and soon you’ll have a man who wants to spend more and more time with you. By asking him about his intentions, instead of assuming you know them, you’ll give him feedback on how his actions affected you.
Here is an example. Suppose Susan’s boyfriend makes a joke about getting mad enough to “hurt someone.” It seems to Susan that she has an anger problem, or worse, that he might be violent. All of her vast feelings tell her that this was a VERY bad thing that Pete (her boyfriend of hers) just said. However, Susan has known Pete for four months, and angry outbursts and displays of violence are not things she has ever observed in her man.
Instead of reacting angrily to Pete’s comment, despite her feelings, she asks, “Um… when you say ‘hurt someone,’ I’m not really sure what you mean.” In an instant, Pete hears how this comment was received and quickly realized how strong her comment actually was. At that moment, her question disarmed him. She wasn’t threatening or demeaning because she gave Pete the benefit of the doubt.
Navigating a man’s emotional expressions can be simple
He also did not ask you to explain in great detail what you were feeling or overwhelm you with all the details of what your feelings were at that moment. No, she asked him a simple question and in the process allowed Pete to apologize and explain that she didn’t really mean what he said. It was more than his level of frustration with his boss it just made him feel overwhelmed at times. In his words, he “probably should have chosen my words better.”
I realize how simple this sounds, and the truth of the matter is that it really can be that simple. When a man feels that you don’t expect him to express himself in the same way as a woman, and he believes that you really like him for being a man, he will find himself wanting to spend more and more time with you every day. .
