Woody Allen says that 90% of success in life is showing up. That is definitely true for being a good parent. His wife gives birth to the baby, but the ball is at his end of the court, half the time, after that.

I was terrified when I brought my young son home from the hospital. I looked at the little six-pound, six-ounce boy and was almost freaked out when I realized that he was going to live with me. I didn’t know how to feed him, change him, or make him stop crying. I was afraid to hug him. I was the best new father. He wasn’t sure he could take the place of a father.

I was a twenty year old college student married, full time, with financial problems when my son was born. He had no money and only one way to get it. I worked five part-time jobs during the day and into the night to pay the rent and feed my wife and son. Sometimes I have dinner and sometimes I don’t. I was so close to the limit, and I still had seven months to go before I graduated.

While I had no choice about showing up, in person, showing up emotionally was a choice. My anxiety level was through the roof just thinking about being responsible for such a small and defenseless human being.

I guess it’s obvious, my son was not planned. While a baby is born whether planned or not, intention plays a useful role in mapping a baby’s life. My financial instability worried me every minute of every day, and I was afraid of being poor even more than I was afraid of being a father.

My marriage to a young French woman that I met while studying in London was a disaster. I had made a complete mess in my life. My wife and I got divorced shortly after I graduated from college. She returned to France, but I refused to allow her to take my son with her. He was American by birth and consequently I was given sole custody of a one-year-old boy.

At first he was a wobbly father. I had just started my career after college and needed more sleep than I was sleeping. I remember trying to get my son to sleep through the night. I thought a small amount of oatmeal mixed in your nighttime bottle might stick to your ribs and help you sleep more. I used a hot needle to make a bigger opening in the nipple and gave the mixture to my son. It worked. He had discovered that at least something about being a father was groundbreaking.

When I think about raising that baby forty-four years later, the beginning seems like a hazy dream. I went to work, snuggled up, and made a living. I found a wonderful woman to take care of my son during the day and when I was traveling on business. Life as a single parent was good. I spent most of my free time with my son. I didn’t have much of a social life for a decade, but I felt something in my heart that directed all my energies towards him.

At some point on this trip, I fell in love with my son and have adored him ever since. I raised him as a single parent for most of his childhood. I would do it again in a heartbeat. Raising my son was the greatest achievement of my life.

I did a good job? When I look at the man he is today, I’m sure I did. I have a seven-year-old grandson, and for the first time in my family’s history, there are three generations of Solin men living at the same time. We all share a feeling of unconditional love for each other. When my grandson wraps his arms around my neck, kisses me on the cheek and says, “I love you Grandpa Kenny,” I feel the same joy that I felt with my son.

Since I was the only father of my child, introducing myself was not really an option for me. But it’s not really an option for any parent. Of course, there are circumstances where it is much more difficult to get emotionally involved, but in the end, a son needs his father to feed him emotionally just as much as he needs food. And a woman cannot be expected to raise a child without her father’s much-needed male influence.

If you are a new dad, congratulations. I hope you find it in your heart to appear. I promise you will never regret it. I would like to hear from new dads and I am open to sharing what I have learned, so feel free to write me and tell me your story.