Communication is the key to any human interaction. We know from our own aging experience that opinions very often change with time and experience. In fact, the very perspective from which we perceive and process information will be quite different as we are affected by the physical or mental limitations inherent in the aging process.
Many efforts between adult children and their aging parents around the sensitive issue of elder care stall or even fracture. Why?
Failure to adopt simple and effective communication skills is often to blame. “He is so ____!” or “Why doesn’t he want to listen?” These are symptoms that can often be avoided or remedied with some thought and care.
it is a negotiation
Do you remember being a teenager? And maybe then be the father of one? Two stubborn parties with differing views on each other’s abilities and perspectives fighting for control.
Now fast forward to communication on the subject of inevitable elder care decisions. Already seen perhaps? yes simply survived Coach, it’s time to rethink strategy. If he solved it before, remind yourself and your loved one of this and how you did it.
the renowned Consensus Building Institute in Cambridge, Massachusetts, has successfully applied its mutual gains approach for decades, in which parties:
- assess common interests
- identify differences
- monitor the best (and worst) outcome if no negotiation is reached
- in fields as diverse as business communication, military and international treaty negotiations, and affordable housing.
What does this have to do with you? A willingness to investigate your negotiating partner’s desires and motivations, and to apply proven techniques to limit those areas we call differences applies regardless of the human context.
Take the bird’s eye view
Missteps can be costly, both because your relationship can be damaged and because of the loss of time or other resources. Think about the whole life situation first, from the point of view of a full life as an old man.
It is helpful to consider health, home maintenance, nutrition and meal preparation, finances, recreation, volunteer work, or other work. And any other activity or circumstance in the life of the elderly relative for the recent and distant past.
Record your thoughts as questions – what the older person they can do, rather than stated absolutes, such as what you can no longer do or must do to conform to your ideal.
When is the time?
Those who behave calmly and effectively in a crisis do so only because they have planned. Planning for financial security is a social norm starting in your thirties.
Why don’t we communicate about aging issues at least at age 50? In most cases, vulnerability and fear of the unknown paralyzes us.
No matter when you start, remember that it will take time to develop not only the language of a cooperative dialogue, but also the mental processing and then incremental adjustment to any change.
Where do you start?
Effective communication requires a relationship of mutual respect and trust. Even when you buy food, you and the seller act professionally: he trusts you to pay and you trust his goods or services.
Part of your overview should be to assess family relationships with older members. Work first within the best relationships, where ears are already open.
A light-hearted conversation about what you’ve done in the past year and want to do in the coming year can offer many opportunities to listen, ask for advice that stimulates an important planning issue, or plant a seed for further exploration.
