Many times an overworked mother tries to do more instead of less. She believes that the new activity will renew her and reduce her fatigue. Hey? What madman came up with that idea? I mean it even sounds stupid. Seriously, if you’re already tired, adding more to your plate won’t revitalize it. It’s not like adding Red Bull to vodka! So why do women do it? Why does everyone say, “When I relax, I feel so guilty”?
Men do not use this approach. I mean really, when was the last time a man looked at you with sleep-deprived eyes and said, “Stay in bed, honey, it’s my turn. I know you’ve had a long day. Bottle, feed the baby, change him, rock him, and make him go back to sleep. In fact, I’ll make the coffee pot for the morning and iron my shirt, so don’t worry about that. sleep in love? “Yes, as if!
If you are like my husband, you will never feel guilty about relaxing. My man can sleep through the night, through the night, oblivious to the nightmares of children. He doesn’t hear the tapping of little feet on the edge of our bed screaming, “Mommy, Mommy, my bed is all wet!” (Notice, even at their tender age, they know what name to call out in the night hours.) He would never listen to them! He slept through a stage 4 hurricane three years ago! We had an 18 month old son and a newborn, he didn’t even move! I mean, my husband, not the kids. We stayed up all night shaking like a leaf! It’s amazing how a man can wake up after a good 8 hours or more of sleep and cool off. They then go to their jobs and, at the most, work 10 to 12 hours and can socialize with other adults, in a semi-normal environment (i.e. tantrums, diaper changes or biting episodes do not generally occur in a man ). workplace.) Then they return home to the pleasant cheers of their children, feeling like a rock star. The men get a hero’s welcome when they return. The delicious melody of “Daddy, daddy, daddy home!” echoes through the lobby as the Prince returns to his castle.
However, if you are the wife, you are lucky if they give you a kiss on the cheek, a quick nod, or some other gesture that means they know you are close. They then have a beer, pick up the remote, lift their feet up on the recliner, and breathe a long breath. Then … the 3 little words that you have waited all day are pronounced … “What’s for dinner?”
Oh don’t you just want to kill him? Of course, you’ve had time to prepare dinner, between breastfeeding, washing, diaper changes, toilet training, feeding, clothing, more butt cleaning, nail trimming, hair styling, and somewhere in between. what he did to do grocery shopping. , cleaning the house, paying the bills, picking up the dry cleaner, and buying your mother-in-law a birthday present from her devoted son, then mailing it in after signing his name! Yes, the list goes on and on. And you haven’t even showered all day and it’s already 6 in the afternoon. Well, do you know what happens to the woman who tries to be super mom? In 3 hours of very interrupted sleep? She gets stressed!
Some of the symptoms that stress can cause in women who have young children are tiredness, sluggishness, irritability, depression, and impatience. Does any of this sound like something you’d like to include as qualities on your resume? Because surely this was a job that we felt qualified for when we signed up to be a mother, right? Incorrect!
I did not sign up for this. Look, moms are never off duty. We work 24 hours a day without vacations, paid holidays or normal benefits. “Moms of preschool-age children are said to be the most exhausted, fatigued, and worn-out strata in our society. They function with little sleep, unbalanced nutrition, little exercise, and frazzled nerves …” (from “What Every Mom Needs” by Elissa Margaret and Carol Kuykendall).
So in what ways can you stop having your life taken from you? One way is to realize that you cannot take care of others if you are not healthy yourself, this means mentally and physically. It is not selfish to look for number one in this case. It is self-preservation. As the saying goes, “If mom isn’t happy, no one is happy.”
So what do we do? What are some easy ways to relieve stress while still living in the same house, with the same children, and the same husband? Yes, the idea here is to help you change, not to hire a babysitter, run off with the pool boy, and forget your last name! This is the real life. And unless you’re living in a Danielle Steel novel, we need to learn to cope with the life we’ve chosen – the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, especially if you have to mow it. Trust me, I do the housework and landscaping. So let’s deal with the obvious and start looking at life with a new positive goal in mind.
One of the goals should be to learn to laugh more. Laughing has been shown to relieve tension and tension. It has even been said that we are happier, saner, and even physically fitter when we laugh. I tried that philosophy at every level the last time I went to the gym. I laughed at myself trying to get in better physical shape, but I didn’t even come out of the locker room. I must have been crazy because I was trying to put on my lycra running pants (pre-pregnancy size, of course), and my old sports bra (the cute, perky cups in size C), when I literally peed all over myself. My poor breast size had been reduced to one A minus! There was no benefit to them, and after all that milking, I mean breastfeeding, I was left with two boys who should grow up to be supporters, but with a chest that looks like pancakes with a cherry on top. I swear, I started laughing hysterically. My breasts were the flattest thing on my body. She had bulging curlers above and below her sports bra. From under my arms, behind my back and on my backyard. But there wasn’t a roll in my bra. Anyway, with that image in your mind, imagine looking at myself in the gym mirror.
I’m standing there surrounded by Barbie eager bees in tight thongs, silicone breasts, and legs the size of my little finger. But my reflection was more like a rabid Sharpeii hiding in my underwear and trying to get the best of my waist before I was strangled to death. And for all the Disney era moms, I don’t mean the skinny Sharpay toothpick in the High School musical. I’m talking about the fat chow with all the wrinkles! Now that was ugly. But it was ridiculous. But my bladder control after giving birth to two babies was not. I couldn’t get out of that dressing room fast enough. I left my puddle, my spandex, and my dignity behind. Look, laughter can be good! And according to some more medical studies, it is even said to exercise the abdomen, improve muscle tone, and increase circulation. Loud laughter several times a day can have the benefits of 10 minutes of vigorous exercise. That’s great, since I never got to the exercise machines.
And as my husband likes to point out, every night … the last time I had ten minutes of “vigorous exercise,” I found myself pulling out a pregnancy rod two weeks later. (His kind way of letting me know we haven’t had sex in … forever, or at least since the kids were born.) But that brings me to the next way to relieve stress.
Good old fashioned sex. Yes, intimacy, a feeling of connection, which allows you to receive close physical contact that recognizes you as a woman, and not just as a mother. All of these are natural needs. And these needs when met (even when it’s the last possible thing you want to add to your to-do list) will release endorphins, help you and your partner reconnect, and if you’re lucky, you’ll have a mind-blowing orgasm. repercussions. Seriously, sex is a great stress reliever and it may be the vehicle you need to get your husband out of that recliner.
Which brings me to my next tip: ask for help! You can only do so much for yourself. Now don’t try to prove me wrong here. Don’t go out and have 8 babies on top of your 6 just to show you can do it all! No no no! Don’t try to be a superstar mom. This is not Kate plus 8 or Octo-mom. This is the reality. I am talking about normal events in everyday life that occur in most average homes with a mother and children. Many activities always take place. The help I am referring to here is not welfare or paparazzi posts. I’m talking about the genuine help that comes from admitting that parenting is difficult and it’s easier when you can share it. Shared by your partner, your family, your friends and your neighbors! You are not a superwoman! Believing that you are creates a very tired, angry, resentful, and ultimately unhappy mother. A stressed mom! Raising children is difficult, plain and simple. So why does it seem that asking for help seems even more difficult? Why do moms feel it is the same as admitting they are failures? Even Jesus had disciples! My answer to you is: get over it! Unless you’re Angelina, with a couple of babysitters, a housekeeper, a secretary, a personal cook, a physical trainer, and a fashion coordinator, you’ll have to ask for help sometimes! Accept it. I know it’s hard. I have learned it first hand.
Several weeks ago I went for my annual gynecological exam. My normal doctor, who is a woman, was not available. Then, as my two little ones were looking at me there, naked in stirrups, a man who was not their father entered. They seemed a bit surprised, but didn’t say anything. The exam started and my daughters were secretly watching, even though I had asked them to sit behind the wall where the changing room was. So, to my horror, while I was doing his probe, my 4-year-old innocently said, “Mom, why is that man sticking his finger in your private parts?” Well, I had my own questions to answer at the time. Like, “Why didn’t I let the neighbor see you when she volunteered?” I knew he had a doctor’s appointment and he said it would be my pleasure. But what did I say? I said, “Oh no, they’ll be fine. They go everywhere with me, really, it’s not a big deal. Thanks anyway.” Bla bla bla. What was he trying to prove? Who was he trying to impress? Why was he so proud? Of course, hindsight really is 20/20. And while I doubt they have any psychological damage witnessing this at 3-4 years of age, I will have a hard time explaining it at the family Christmas table if it ever comes up in the dinner conversation. Oh yeah, I can see it now, “Hey, fau-fa, do you go to the doctor where a man hits …?” Agghh!
Anyway, I hope my point here is clear. We all need to recognize the fact that accepting help is a useful stress-reducing tool. Whether the help is in the form of babysitting, dinner, carpooling, housework, or just a listening ear, we need to be able to ask for help. It makes you more accessible and is also a good teaching tool for your children. There is something I read once that said that a mother who does everything develops a child who can do nothing.
Okay, if simple things like laughter, sex, and accepting a little help can reduce major stress-causing symptoms like anxiety, fatigue, depression, and resentment, what are you waiting for? Not that I’m telling you to go run 3 miles a day or change your diet! These are easy, fun, tried and true ways to help you cope with the daily stress that you are dealing with as a parent. What are you waiting for? Take your kids to a babysitter (or grandma’s house), lower the covers, put on a comedy on the DVD player, and snuggle up with your husband for some alone time. Relax, laugh, and maybe even play under the covers. Doesn’t that sound like an interesting way to relieve stress?
