Your wife tells you that you are immature. Maybe you agree with her, or maybe you think she’s out of line. Regardless of your position on the subject, she is clear about hers. It is painful to know that the woman you have chosen to spend your life with sees you as nothing more than a boy in men’s clothing. Her comments hurt, her attitude overshadows all the great things you do and you’re getting tired of trying to please her when you really think you’re fine exactly the way you are, right?

There is a very specific dynamic that dominates a marriage when the wife sees her husband as immature. She will tend to take charge of everything from making important decisions to raising children. Over time, a man in a relationship like this will begin to feel that his opinion and his contributions are not welcomed or accepted. Once a marriage hits this bump in the road, it can be difficult to get back on track on a path of mutual love and respect.

Talk to your wife about your concerns

Before you can work to change the way your wife sees you, you need to get to the root of why she has the opinion that she does of you. In some marriages, it is obvious that the husband refuses to assume the necessary responsibility that a married couple must carry. This can manifest in a man who hasn’t yet chosen a career even though he’s been out of college for a decade, or it can be a man who insists on splurging on things the partner can’t afford.

If you’re not sure why your wife continually sees you as immature, ask her. You should be prepared to hear some tough things about yourself. In fact, when you ask your wife how she views your behavior, it can open the floodgates and she will pour out any criticism she has on you.

See this as a step in a positive direction. Try not to get defensive. Instead, assimilate it as a tool for change and a means to achieve a closer and more nurturing marriage.

Do things within your marriage that command respect

If someone sees you as immature, it may be a sign that they simply have little or no respect for you. In the case of a married couple, this can be due to various circumstances, but it is usually something that can be corrected.

Commanding respect can seem like a sinister task, particularly for a man who wants his wife to show him more respect. But often it is his own vision of himself that others will follow. For example, if you don’t take care of yourself physically or emotionally, your wife may begin to believe that she doesn’t value you. In turn, she will also begin to devalue you, which can cause her to see you as someone who is not on the same level as her.

Working to improve yourself is a simple way to get more respect from your wife. Take stock of where your life is compared to where you want it to be right now. He may have believed that he would be running his own company at the age of thirty, or perhaps he envisioned himself as a successful investor by the time he was forty. Whatever your life goals have been, now is the time to redefine them and start making them a reality.

When a person invests more energy, care and time in himself, others follow that example. This is why you need to start trying harder to become the man you know you are capable of. You can show your wife, through dedicated actions, that you are not the immature guy she thinks she is marrying. Instead, she begins to show him that you are a focused, mature man who now sees the potential within himself.

Don’t try to hurt your wife in retaliation for her criticism.

When someone we love verbally hurts us, there is a very strong temptation to throw something just as hurtful in their direction. You may have already done this with your wife when she referred to you as immature. If so, make sure this is the last time it happens.

If you fall to the same level as your wife and throw hurtful words in her direction, you are showing her that you are the definition of immature. In fact, you are making her own point for her. Children like to engage in hurtful jokes that often result in one person feeling so hurt that the relationship will never be the same. It is much worse when it is married adults who engage in this type of destructive behavior.

The next time your wife tells you that she thinks you’re immature, you need to respond in a very specific way. Look her straight in the eye and calmly say, “You’re entitled to your opinion, but I disagree.” Then end the conversation by leaving the room or saying goodbye if it’s over the phone. Don’t engage her for another moment because if you do you’ll be tempted to say things that will escalate the situation until both of you feel hurt.

If you repeatedly handle the situation with this kind of dignity and grace, your wife will soon realize that her words are hollow. You will be showing him that you are really mature, calm and reasonable.