Perfectionism gives you a reserved seat in life’s waiting room. As you cling to the belief that nothing less than perfection is acceptable, your BIG dream is fading away.
Perhaps you’ve been proud of your “high standards,” “attention to detail,” or “meticulous” approach, and you’ve probably been praised and rewarded for all of those things.
Perfectionists feel more secure when they can live up to external definitions of success. But because you look to others to define you as a success or failure, you can end up resentful when they seem to control you.
As you keep yourself busy taking care of others and living up to their demands, your resentment will begin to show and it will affect your relationships. Also, perfectionism leads to a constant feeling of failure and disappointment, a feeling of unworthiness.
“Shoot the moon. Even if you fail, you will land among the stars..” – The Browns
Perfectionists cannot bear the thought of missing their goal. To combat this fear of failure, you can keep yourself busy by maintaining the high standards you’ve set, anything to avoid giving in to your BIG dream and its unknown possibilities.
You can say, “I’ll go after my BIG dream after my house is clear of clutter, my finances are in order, and the kids are out of the house.”
When in reality: All we have is today. Practice being in the present moment: try to imagine that you only have one year to live. Would that wake you up to the precious gift of each moment?
You can say, “I’ll make a decision about my next steps as soon as I’m sure it’s the right one. Because if I make a mistake, I’ll surely regret it.”
When in reality: Every election is an opportunity to learn and grow. If I make a mistake, I will have ample opportunity to correct it. Practice answering the question, “If I didn’t have to be perfect, I would choose ____.” And by all means, be kind to yourself. I guarantee you that most of your decisions will not be able to end the world.
You can say, “Everyone is watching, so this has to be perfect.”
When it’s real: Other people are much more interested in their own trials and tribulations than they are in yours. Even if they are watching, at the end of the day you are the one who has to live with the decisions you make. Do what will make you happy.
You can say, “If I can’t do it perfectly, I won’t try at all.”
When in reality: Just by trying, you’ve already succeeded. Think of the millions of people around the world who will never have a chance to achieve their BIG dream. Think of those who may have the opportunity, but will never take it.
Practice trust and surrender to your destination. There are forces at work that are bigger than you and what needs to happen will happen.
Also, the universe is constantly trying to send you abundance. When you hold yourself to the high standard of perfection, you will block abundance because you don’t feel worthy of receiving it.
It takes time to change these lifelong beliefs. Imagine that you are standing next to a swimming pool. You want to get in but you may feel anxious. Note that you don’t have to jump with both feet. You can slowly wade into the pool, feel the water on your feet, and gently scoot forward when you’re ready. The key is that you have taken that first step towards your BIG dream.
The water may not be the perfect temperature, it’s not sunny outside, you may not have remembered your sunscreen, and you’re worried about how you’ll look in a bathing suit. But one thing is for sure. You are in the water. You have taken the first bold step and you are on your way to your BIG dream.
Be kind to yourself and acknowledge how far you’ve come.
©2007 Dr. Cara Alana
