I think it’s pretty fair to say that estranged wives trying to save their marriage are often willing to do almost anything to make it happen. It’s a cliché that “all’s fair in love and war,” but when you’re facing a divorce, you’re often unwilling to make distinctions. And, one way that wives try to level the playing field or give themselves a slight edge is to try to make their husband jealous.

I recently heard from a wife, who said in part, “My husband left me six weeks ago. He lives with his old college roommate. While he hasn’t tried to go through with the divorce, he hasn’t tried to spend a lot of time with me reconnecting either.” or save our marriage. He’s polite enough when we talk or meet but he never goes beyond bland courtesies and this is getting very frustrating for me. I started to think maybe I should try to make him jealous. I’m very friendly from a guy at work and this has always driven my husband crazy I thought maybe if my husband thought I started seeing this guy as more than just friends that it might make him jealous and be the push he needs to take an interest in me again.

The jealousy strategy is very complicated because, although I have seen it work very well, I have also seen it backfire. I think it can work if you do it correctly and very sparingly, which I’ll talk about later.

Things to avoid when trying to make your husband jealous while you are apart: I have had wives confess to me that they have actually made up a fictitious boyfriend or suitor in an attempt to make their husband jealous. In other words, the wife has invented a nonexistent but perfect guy whose sole purpose in life is to get some reaction from her husband.

This usually backfires because it’s unrealistic to think you can keep this up for any length of time. And if her husband even suspects that what she’s saying isn’t true, her perceived integrity and attractiveness are likely to plummet pretty quickly, especially in her husband’s eyes.

So you never want to make outrageous claims that are outright lies and you never want to come across as desperate or too eager to tell your husband all the juicy details. If it’s apparent that she can’t wait to tell him the beans about the new man in her life, alarm bells will probably go off in her husband’s head. And when she does, he may be very disappointed to hear you say that she hopes you and your new man will be very happy together. It is for this reason that she wishes to be sparse (rather than generous) with the details.

Someone else’s illusion is much better than someone else’s reality: Most of the time, when I see the jealousy strategy working, it works when the wife can make the husband think there might be someone else by what she doesn’t say instead of what she does say. For this to go as smoothly as possible, your husband needs to be the one to approach if you’re dating someone else. If you advertise it yourself, then the impact is lost.

If you’re not sure how to do this, or if you doubt your husband cares, it’s best to start acting “as if” you’re happier. Make sure you are well dressed and with a smile when you interact. At some point, he might ask you what excites you so much and what has changed. It can be very tempting to tell him that someone special has caused the change, but that would be your desperation.

Instead, smile and say something like, “I’ve decided to look on the bright side and live my life. Even though things between us aren’t going as well as I’d like, there are other aspects of my life.” they’re working out better, so I’m feeling pretty optimistic.” Now, at this point, your husband might ask you directly if there’s anyone else out there. Trust me when I say you’re better off telling him you’re seeing all kinds of friends, men and women. You don’t want to make romantic claims or brag. You want to stick to the story that you’re just hanging out with several friends. But you want to keep the smile mysterious and leave him wondering. His own mind will often do a good job of painting the picture. desired image.

The beauty of this plan is that when they get back together, they don’t really have to explain themselves and there are no real elephants in the room. In the above scenario, if this wife’s husband returned, there would probably be resentment towards her male co-worker. And potentially there would be a problem with her continuing to work with him. However, if she just allowed her husband to draw her own conclusions without making any claims, later on, she would have nothing to defend. She would go on to say that she was just trying to make the best of things as she hung out with friends who offered her some support and relief, even though there was no romance involved. The idea is that the real romance is in your husband’s head (although he doesn’t need to know that at the time) so you have nothing to regret later.