“Nothing has a stronger influence
psychologically about their environment.
they lie and especially in their children
than the unlived life of the father”.
–CG Jung
After a bad night with hardly any sleep, you are sitting in front of your computer staring at a blank screen. You wonder if you will be able to do it, finish that article, story or novel that you started months ago. The urge to write is overwhelming, but you freeze. Not only are you exhausted, but the baby, who you put to sleep less than half an hour ago, is whimpering in the crib. Your four-year-old son has just barged into the office and tugs at your elbow begging for a sandwich, even though he had lunch an hour ago. This is useless, I better give up, you tell yourself as you try to suppress a scream. To your horror, you suddenly find yourself sympathizing with those animals that eat their young…
Do not despair. Take it easy. I’ve been there and I know exactly what you’re going through.
The truth is that you can write, but you need to have four things:
the right state of mind
Before planning a program, the most important thing to do is to put your mind in the right frame. Remember that your children will not stay small forever. Time is passing fast (I assure you it is!) and soon they will be old enough to go to school. However, until that magical day arrives, you will have to “steal” time to work on your project. Wanting to finish an entire novel in a month at this point in your life is unrealistic. Don’t focus so much on the “end product” but on making a little bit of that “end product” at a time. Little paragraphs are what articles, short stories, and novels are made of. The important thing is steady progress, and as long as you take steps to stay on track, you’re on the right track. These little bird steps, small as they are, will give you a sense of accomplishment and keep you guilt free to enjoy your life and family.
Good physical condition
You might think, “Fitness? I thought this was an article about writing.” Well, you can bet it is. Let’s face it, moms who take care of young children are always tired. And tired people do not particularly like to sit at the computer and write; they want to collapse on a bed. Moms urgently need to raise their energy levels! A good diet and a little exercise can do wonders to raise energy levels. Eat protein-rich foods and plenty of fruits and vegetables. Stay away from white flour and sugar, as well as junk food. Eat three meals a day with a light, healthy snack in the afternoon and one before bed. Steer clear of those high energy bars though. They are so high in carbs that your sugar levels will spike and then crash, making you feel even more tired and hungry than before. Low-fat cottage cheese and a couple of almonds, with a bit of fruit are a great option for a snack. Drink plenty of water! Scientists have discovered that dehydration is one of the main factors that make a person feel tired.
Finding time to exercise can be hard, so it’s a good idea to do it with your child. If you have a stationary bike or other exercise machine, do 15 minutes while the child watches Teletubbies. You don’t have to exercise a full hour. Even 10 minutes will do the trick. Take your baby for a walk in the stroller at least 3 times a week, preferably in the morning when he is cool and calm. It will calm your nerves, she will rejuvenate you and even inspire you. Your baby will love it too. She’ll not only enjoy the “sights and sounds” but it will likely make her tired and eager for a longer nap later in the day – just what she’s looking for!
A well planned schedule
Okay, so you’ve got the right state of mind and you’re eating right and exercising. Whats Next? A well-planned schedule that fits your lifestyle and plays to your strengths and weaknesses is a must. But keep an open mind and don’t be unrealistic. If your baby naps in the afternoon, don’t set your writing schedule in the morning, or vice versa. How long each writing session will last depends on your lifestyle and the habits of the children. You can choose to write half an hour every day or an hour every other day. Up to you. The important thing here is to keep it accessible and stick with it.
There is one thing I highly recommend: If you can handle it, don’t take more than two nights off from your project. Not only will it stop your momentum, but it will give your brain plenty of time to generate doubts and excuses to procrastinate.
You may be wondering: But how do I get rid of my children!?
If your children are old enough to go to daycare, your problems are solved. Just set your writing schedule during those hours. For those of you whose children are still at home, there are other possibilities:
Write early in the morning before your children wake up, during their naps during the day, and after they go to sleep at night. (See why you have to stay in good physical condition?) I have a friend who wrote two books this way.
If you can afford a babysitter, perhaps your neighbor’s teenage daughter, to watch your child while you type in the next room (that way you can keep a close eye on them), then do it!
Write while your child watches his favorite video movie. Do you want to see it again? Move along! This is not the right time to consider the effects of too much television on children.
Go to your local library and write while your child listens to Story Time! Almost all libraries, and even bookstores, schedule children’s story hours. Take advantage of these.
If you have a writer friend who is also a mom, list her as your “writing buddy”, take the kids to McDonald’s and write while your kids play in those weird play tunnels. “Hey, wait a minute!” you think. “You said to stay away from junk food.” Nice try, but even McDonald’s now offers a good selection of salads and fruit cocktails. Besides, I never said that a burger once in a while would kill you. You might even reward yourself with a burger… AFTER you’ve met your minimum writing quota for the day.
Invite your writing partner’s mom or moms to a “writing morning” at your house and write while your kids play together. They can take turns with their houses. Also, as a group, you may want to consider hiring a babysitter for these occasions. Writing with a support group of people who are in the same situation as you is often very rewarding and productive. Plus, it’s a lot cheaper when you each contribute to paying for the babysitter. You may even want to start a club and meet once a week.
Determination
None of the above will be helpful if you are not determined to stick to a schedule. Think about it. Do you want to reach the age of seventy without having achieved your goal, that masterpiece of a novel that will give you multiple contracts, fame and fortune? You will never know unless you take the first step. Family, and especially your children, should always come first, BUT don’t use your children as an excuse not to write. The truth is, life is so hectic that there will NEVER be a “perfect” time to write. I assure you that if they are not children, later on you will come up with something else like your procrastinator. The program may be difficult to follow at first and you may need to tweak it, but eventually you’ll be glad you did. Otherwise, you will live with self-blame, self-loathing, disappointment, and frustration.
Have to. start today. Now.
Don’t forget: frustrated writers are frustrated moms. Frustrated moms are unhappy moms. Artfully realized moms are happy moms who can give themselves to their loved ones without reservation.
